Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 28, 2024, 07:13:16 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
How to communicate after a contentious divorce... Following a contentious divorce and custody battle, there are often high emotion and tensions between the parents. Research shows that constant and chronic conflict between the parents negatively impacts the children. The children sense their parents anxiety in their voice, their body language and their parents behavior. Here are some suggestions from Dean Stacer on how to avoid conflict.
84
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Wife wBPD lost job today  (Read 361 times)
Michael43

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 48


« on: June 13, 2017, 03:42:07 PM »

I learned that my wife w/BPD lost her job today.  It was due to too many absences from work and too many times the Ambulance had to be caused due to dissociation.  She was asked to resign so she could leave on her own accord & her supervisor said that would be the best thing for her health.  My wife is not angry at her employer, but she is mad at herself for her failure to control her behavior.

We are in the process of finalizing a separate maintenance decree to separate our finances only.  This gives me some financial protection. 

I am trying to be supportive of her, but I have made it clear that she needs to find another job.  I am trying to emphasize that things will be ok.  I myself went through a job loss a year ago and can empathize with her well.  Tomorrow we will come up with a plan of action for the new job search, filing for unemployment (if she can), our finances, etc.  She does not want to apply for Disability.

I have mixed feeling about this.  There is a part of me that says actions have consequences.  Personally, If I were her supervisor I would have fired her years ago.  She is in DBT but needs to put a better effort into applying her distress tolerance skills.  I have been trying to get her to find a different job that has less responsibilities for years.  In many ways this can be a blessing in disguise.  Personally I know being fired a year ago was one of the best things that could have happened for me--I am so much happier in my new job.

Do you think I should set some sort of deadline or boundary, such as saying she must find a job within a certain number of months?  Or that if she has to declare bankruptcy I will file for divorce?  We both are in agreement that she needs to find a new job.  Or should I wait to say any direct boundary like that.  Mathematically speaking we cannot afford to raise a child on a 1 person income.  Her behavior is threatening the economic stability of our family.

I am just looking for your thoughts and some support. 
Logged
GaGrl
Ambassador
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
Posts: 5722



« Reply #1 on: June 13, 2017, 04:01:53 PM »

She will probably respond better to your sitting with her to create a "project plan" for getting her next position -- rather than your setting a boundary.

Also, keep in mind that boundaries are for you, not her.  If you are trying to impose a limit or boundary on her, it's really an ultimatum.  If you need a boundary in your own mind, it needs to focus on what you will do should she NOT find a job in a certain timeframe.
Logged


"...what's past is prologue; what to come,
In yours and my discharge."
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!