Protecting My Son

[Laford]

Surviving the divorce - trying to protect my six year old son. Child dropoffs are so difficult.

[takingandsending]

Hello, Laford, and Welcome to bpdfamily. 

Drop offs can be really difficult with a person with BPD/NPD. Can you describe a little bit more about the current challenges you and your son have during drop off? A lot of members on the boards here end up choosing neutral site drop offs with as minimal interaction with BPD parent as possible. It sounds really ridiculous, but life just gets so much easier on you and your child when you can introduce boundaries of some kind with a BPD parent.

Do you currently have a L? Can you get language around the drop offs entered into your parent plan?

Again, welcome to the boards, and let us know how we can support you.

[Newyoungfather]

Hello Laford,
I had the same issue.  I was trying to be nice and exchange custody at a mutual location.  We had specific guidelines in the court order which she constantly broke.  It took a letter of cease and desist to move our location to the police station which had a safe drop off point.  Even after that she, continued to verbally attack me as she was being videotaped.  I am now suing her for 6 figures.  Below are my guidelines,

1.  Hire an attorney if you don't already have one.
2.  Most communities have a neutral drop off point which is video tapped, have a court order moved the location to the safe drop point.  In the court order limit who can drop off the child, etc or else she may try to bully you through her new bf or guy friend intimidating you. Include who can get out of the car and how communication can take place.
3. Under federal law you are allowed to tape record a conversation that you are a part of.  Most iphones and smart phones have a voice recording feature.  Start by greeting her and asking how her day was, this makes you part of the conversation. (My attorney told me to do this) NEVER TELL HER THAT YOUR RECORDING HER, LET HER FALL INTO THE TRAP

You have to set firm boundaries with her, having a court order stating how the custody exchange can take place is a good start.  If she breaks it hold her in contempt.  Believe me it sucks but I already held her in contempt and won more time with my son.  Also read the book Splitting.