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Author Topic: S10 told me one thing and his mother something different  (Read 393 times)
bus boy
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 908


« on: June 25, 2017, 05:46:17 AM »

This is my access weekend, s10 and I were planing on going to a movie but after we ate he said he felt sick and didn't want to go so we stayed home.
  Than Xw text me "hi." She hasn't said a civil word to me in 2 years. I did not reply. She can fly the f**c as far as I'm concerned. S10 and I stayed home and watched a movie on TV, all the while he was into a lot of texting with his mother, I let it be, he wasn't feeling well but I was asking him and making sure he was doing ok and if he needed anything and all the while he said he was feeling better and by bed time he was fine, only for a sore throat.
  I ignored xw's "hi" and turned my ringer off, this morning I check my phone and she text me that s10 told her his side was very sore, should I take him to the Dr? S10 told me nothing about being in pain, why would he tell me one thing and his mother something very different?
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david
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 4365


« Reply #1 on: June 25, 2017, 10:51:02 AM »

My ex is a nurse and when we were together I naturally let her take care of those things. When we separated our boys were in the normal routine of going to mom when they were ill. I figure they were waiting until they saw mom to let her know.
It took a while, and me being more aware when they were with me, until that started to change.
I noticed, that when one of our boys said they were sick, I had to ask some questions to get a better sense of what they meant. Sometimes they weren't actually sick but didn't want to do something. Other times they were really sick and I still had to coax things out of them.
I parallel parent and my ex has no space inside my head anymore when dealing with our boys. If they are sick I focus on our boys and after things are settled I email ex to let her know.

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bus boy
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 908


« Reply #2 on: June 26, 2017, 11:02:00 AM »

HI David, on Saturday evening I put Xw out of my head, did not respond to her and made s10 my main focus. I realize any child goes to mother first but it's the amount of communication that goes on between s10 and his mother when he is with me. I have to do something about his phone, it's by his side constantly and his mother texts him steady during my access. When s10 Is with his mother I will go days with no response to texts I send, he says he gets them but he doesn't respond. Also yesterday during my access weekend Xw called s10 to tell him he was invited to go swimming at a friends house. Xw is like trying to stop alders, you cut one down and 3 more sprout up, cut Xw off of one thing she just sprouts up somewhere else. I would need a team of New York lawyers to make an Xw wife proof order.
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david
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Gender: Male
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 4365


« Reply #3 on: June 26, 2017, 11:31:47 AM »

My ex bought our youngest son a cell phone years back. He was around 7 at the time. He would call her and text her all the time. Eventually the novelty wore off.
She finally canceled that phone. I called her house line and it was connected to a fax machine so I could never get through. I sent an email and she said to call her cell phone. I realized she wanted some kind of engagement with me and I declined. I learned to live with it.
Our boys are 18 and 14 now. Both have cell phones and call me when they want to talk. They send texts too.
The first years were the most difficult. I believe that ex had more sway over them when they were little. As they got older her "power" diminished.
We go camping during the summer. I have a no cell phone policy during those times. That includes me. It had nothing to do with ex. I just think it is good to disconnect from all the electronics devices. They complained in the beginning but adapted and enjoy those times.
It is difficult when ex does something to get at me. She still does and we divorced in 2010. I have SS's, her kids from her first marriage, and we have two together. As they all got older they saw ex for who she was and have distanced themselves for the most part. Even our 14 year old noticed some of the things she does doesn't make sense.
Ex recently had a blow out with one of the SS's. It was all ex's doing and I believe that was the last straw for him. His wife does not care for ex at all.
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soundofmusicgirl
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
Posts: 179


« Reply #4 on: June 26, 2017, 01:14:31 PM »

completely aside the crazy BPDxw... how would you like your son to handle his cell phone usage in your home?

Try to black out the fact that he has a crazy mother and try to find a rule that will work in your home on how you want your child to deal with cell phone usage. Explain to him whatever rules you find acceptable and state that those are the rules in your home.
Maybe allow him to have the cell phone during a certain time period during the day (2 hours in the morning, 2 hours in the evening). Establish "no cell phone" times and activities... eg. no phone during meal times, no phone during activities that you do together as a family etc.
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