My daughter'sbig setback

[Gerri]

Hello,
My 22 daughter had made great strides in her BPD recovery.  She quit drinking (she was a binge drinker), graduated with a associates degree.  She went traveling for 3 months in SE Aisa w/her Australian boyfriend.  She was supposed to land in Australia with a tourist visa and was turned away because she was applying for Australian jobs on-line.  Now the nightmare begins.  She was placed in a deportation center and 36 hours she is back in Vietnam where she knows no one.  Totally decompensated, yelling, screaming crying about every 4-6 hours over face time.  This went on for days.  I finally convinced her to come home.  Last night she was obviously on something slurring her words, eyes half-mast.  I snooped in her bag and found valium.  This is especially concerning because she was abusing klonipin 4 years ago and quit on her own.  She has an appointment with her therapist tomorrow.  I'm hoping she will let me go also.  My stomach is in knots and I feel very overwhelmed and hopeless. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[incadove]

Hi Gerri

That sounds heartbreaking, after making progress to have yet another setback.   Its really good she trusted enough to come home before doing something more dangerous/damaging.  I'm not sure how addictive Valium is but hopefully she can face that possibility with therapy and get off of all dependency.

I think, that if she is home, physically ok, mentally there and going to therapy, there is hope that she can learn from this and face it and move on.  If she has accepted that she is recovering from BPD that is really huge, and is a responsible step to take.  Sounds like you and she both need support right now - are there family and friends you can turn to just to vent and feel support?

If you've supported her through the journey to stop drinking and get her degree, then you're doing something right.  And if she did those things, then overall she is too.  Hoping for the best now,    just keep plugging and doing the best you can, it means a lot I think.

[wendydarling]

Hi Gerri

Oh my, I'm so pleased you convinced your DD to come home, what a nightmare you've both been through.

How did the visit to the therapist go yesterday? 

I can understand you are in knots, overwhelmed - have faith your DD can overcome this setback and get back on track, she's done it before.  One thing I remind myself after 28DD's 12 months of DBT no one can take the skills and learning away from her (that includes staying away from alcohol/drugs), sometimes she may have to reclaim and sharpen her skills to keep safe. Fill the space with DBT.

WDx

[Gerri]

Thanks for your kind words and support.  My daughter is profoundly depressed right now.  She is doing all the right things.  Seeing her therapist 2 times a week, exercising, working as a nanny, staying connected to her Dad and me.  She may lose her nanny job.  She says she feels like she is going through the motions and the kids sense it.  It's too bad she's been with this family for 4 years.   So hard to see her suffer.