Court appointed money...

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Have any of you that have received court appointed monthly money and had it suddenly stopped and not paid for months? What usually happens in court in these cases? My attorney wouldn't listen to me about setting it up to be paid through the courts. Now I have to pay to go back again and ask for reimbursement. I'm afraid the courts will sympathize with him, if I am not able to explain the whole situation. Anyone go back to court over this? HE has no good reason not to be paying... .he has posted many things on Facebook about vacations and wedding planning, so I am sure this is where my money is going... .very angry and frustrating. This time I am going to ask that it is paid through the court, so they will go after him and I do not have to.

[Herodias]

Have any of you that have received court appointed monthly money and had it suddenly stopped and not paid for months? What usually happens in court in these cases? My attorney wouldn't listen to me about setting it up to be paid through the courts. Now I have to pay to go back again and ask for reimbursement. I'm afraid the courts will sympathize with him, if I am not able to explain the whole situation. Anyone go back to court over this? HE has no good reason not to be paying... .he has posted many things on Facebook about vacations and wedding planning, so I am sure this is where my money is going... .very angry and frustrating. This time I am going to ask that it is paid through the court, so they will go after him and I do not have to.

[HopefulDad]

I don't have any first-hand knowledge of what to expect so I cannot help you there, but I do have some general advice on how to handle this and all situations related to court orders:

1. Set this boundary: "Your ex must respect the court order."

2. Enforce this boundary: "Violation of the court order will be met with a contempt charge."

If he's not paying court-ordered money, file a contempt charge.  Try not to worry about him sweet-talking the judge and how the judge will react*, just let the contempt hearing play out.

* I'm sure judges have heard it all when someone tries explaining why they aren't paying up.  You might enjoy watching your ex squirm when the judge starts poking holes in his excuses.

[Panda39]

I agree with HopefulDad, file for contempt, I don't think the judge would like his order ignored.  And printout the Facebook posts about vacations and wedding planning... .document, document, document... .and take them with you to court.  Your honor it sounds like he has money to me based on his facebook posts 

Panda39

[Herodias]

Thank you both for the advice... .I will do exactly that. He hasn't paid in 4 months now. I am just sick about it. I filed contempt last month and my lawyer screwed it up by not getting him served in time so we have to redo the whole thing at her cost. His response was to pay me $25  basically to say "screw you". He has not paid this month either. I hope they can get him served soon. I hope you are right about the Judges hearing it all before. I am sure he is going to say he is filing bankruptcy and has a baby to support. But he had the baby while we were married and he filed bankruptcy to put a stay on the case he took out against me and lost. The stay caused me to lose all the money I put into defending myself against him. I think I would like all of that brought up too. I have been paying lawyers for 2 and a half years dealing with my ex... .it needs to stop. I refuse to give up, because he has cost me so much money. This is my only chance to help myself recover some of the loss over the years. I have to try... .I would totally lose it if I gave up. Some people tell me to let him be... .I can't do that. He ruined me financially, even if I have it on record that he owes me, so be it. I am trying to stand up for myself for once. I have to try. I also have all of the evidence he is spending money frivolously and got a promotion! This  will help I hope.

[ForeverDad]

You can include in your filing a request for reimbursement of costs.  Understand there is a difference between court fees, usually small, and legal fees or costs, usually huge.  However, unless there is a history of contempt cases the judges are not inclined to grant the extra costs.  As L&L comments, contempt judgments are often treated like parking tickets until the pattern is undeniable.  Doesn't mean you shouldn't ask, just means not to be too disappointed if judges ignore that request at first.

One reason is judges are reluctant to grant awards to the 'winning' parent, they'd rather not go down that path.  Some here have suggested a way to lessen that reluctance by asking that any sanctions or awards go directly to the children's benefit such as their education fund or something like that.  This way it's not you winning sanctions, the children are always the winners.