I'm not alone?

[Malibu Barbie]

Hello!

I just want to say hello and that I'm so happy and relieved to learn I'm not the only one going through this!

I'm working on getting out of my relationship with my borderline husband and it's the hardest thing I've ever gone through.

[takingandsending]

Hello Malibu Barbie and welcome to bpdfamily. 

No, you are definitely not alone, and there is a sense of understanding and relief that comes with seeing your own experiences and sometimes confusion reflected in the stories that you see on the boards here - sort of like "I am not imagining this!". Has your husband been diagnosed as BPD? It can definitely be very challenging to leave a relationship with a BPD partner or spouse. Folks on this board recommend reading Bill Eddy's book "Splitting" for an idea of what to expect or plan for in the process.

There is a lot of excellent reading material on this website and lessons for communication, do's and don'ts. Let us know if you have any specific questions, and again welcome to the boards.

[flourdust]

Welcome! Where are you in the divorce process?

[ForeverDad]

Is there any way we can help?  While we're not lawyers and can't give legal advice, we do have an enormous amount of collective wisdom, practical strategies and hard-won experience.  As in "been there, done that".

[SamwizeGamgee]

Welcome!
You're not alone, not crazy - well probably not ;-)
I discovered that learning about BPD was a double-edged sword.  On one hand, I had a practical guidebook to understanding my undiagnosed wife, her past, present, and future.  I found there was a name, description, and reason for my life the way it was.  I also learned a lot about how I contribute(d) to the mess I'm in.
That was probably literally life-saving.  Now unfortunately, the other side of the sword is that I know how pervasive, damaging, insidious, and difficult her core personality is.  Personality disorder is the polite way to say foundational mental illness.  And my life will be forever affected by her mental illness since we have kids together.   Not impossible or hopeless, but, arduous nonetheless.  It also is a little heartbreaking to know that I will never have a normal healthy relationship with my wife (or ex if it goes that way) or my kids mom.

Read and learn a your own risk