Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 28, 2024, 08:39:57 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Survey: How do you compare?
Adult Children Sensitivity
67% are highly sensitive
Romantic Break-ups
73% have five or more recycles
Physical Hitting
66% of members were hit
Depression Test
61% of members are moderate-severe
108
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: My kids are learning BPD traits  (Read 360 times)
J-jamama
Fewer than 3 Posts
*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 1


« on: July 08, 2017, 10:57:32 PM »

My teens have learned they can get away with being verbally & emotionally abusive. I have no say. I'm the one with the problem. (For many years I believed that.) Thankfully some close relatives began to see the truth. They think I should leave, but I can't just give up on my family. How can I bring some sanity into this madhouse? I want to help my BP SO be able to live a more balanced, free and joyful life! And help my teens to see what a healthy relationship looks like.
Logged
Turkish
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2013; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
Posts: 12104


Dad to my wolf pack


« Reply #1 on: July 10, 2017, 12:46:21 AM »

How old are your kids?

It sounds like the both of you are having issues with them,  yes? It might be good to focus on your relationships with them first before your SO.
Logged

    “For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
Skyhawk

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 31


« Reply #2 on: July 11, 2017, 02:07:59 PM »

I agree. My decision to leave was made very easy the day I realized that I could either be there for my (ex)wife, or be there for my kids and myself. Her disorder would not allow me to take care of anybody other than her.
Logged
takingandsending
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Married, 15 years; together 18 years
Posts: 1121



« Reply #3 on: July 12, 2017, 03:36:14 PM »

Hello, J-jamama and welcome to bpdfamily. 

There are some very helpful communication tools that work for pwBPD and for people who are not BPD. Validation is a helpful tool, both for children of a BPD parent and for the pwBPD. I am trying to learn how to ask validating questions for my two children because it is something they will not get so often from their BPD mom, and kids need to know that what they are feeling is normal and okay. Along with that, kids also need to understand that there are clear, consistent boundaries so that they know what is expected of them and whether or not their behavior is normalized. Again, with BPD parent, boundaries are unpredictable and frequently not stated. Take a look at the lessons that I linked to here when you can. Are you already using these tools with your children? They also do help with a partner w/BPD, but they are not a panacea. Your SO has to be willing to do work on their own self and hopefully work with a professional to receive help.

Please post questions or thoughts as you read through some of it. The group here will help in whatever way we can.

 
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56206.msg913190#msg913190
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56206.msg913193#msg913193
Logged

Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!