Newbie

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi,
I recently found out that my husband has BPD. I can't tell you how relieved I am that there is a diagnosis. I feel so giddy that it's not me. (At least mostly).  We have been married for 13 years and it got bad when our first child was born. He exhibits all signs of a person with BPD. I just can't believe it.
And as "excited" as I am that there is a diagnosis, I'm aware that there will be work ahead of us. My main concern, is the affect that this is having on our children. Do I get them into counseling right away? What do you recommend? Our oldest who is 8 has been going for anxiety, and I wasn't sure what caused it, but now I'm getting an idea that it could be caused by my husband.
I am interested in where to begin... .now that I know what it is, what's the next step?

Thank you so much for your advice and support!

[Evening95]

Hi,
I recently found out that my husband has BPD. I can't tell you how relieved I am that there is a diagnosis. I feel so giddy that it's not me. (At least mostly).  We have been married for 13 years and it got bad when our first child was born. He exhibits all signs of a person with BPD. I just can't believe it.
And as "excited" as I am that there is a diagnosis, I'm aware that there will be work ahead of us. My main concern, is the affect that this is having on our children. Do I get them into counseling right away? What do you recommend? Our oldest who is 8 has been going for anxiety, and I wasn't sure what caused it, but now I'm getting an idea that it could be caused by my husband.
I am interested in where to begin... .now that I know what it is, what's the next step?

Thank you so much for your advice and support!

[Turkish]

Hi Evelyn95,



I'm glad that you reached out to us!

The official Dx sounds validating. It gives you a baseline from which to start.  Speaking of starting, I'd look at the Improving Board and the lessons on the right margin.  Posting there to get support for your marriage will help.  How accepting of his Dx is your husband? A BPD diagnosis can be scary,  and we've seen family members resistant more often then not. 

I'm glad you posted about your son.  We can certainly help support you on this board.  Do you think your husband is open to getting him into therapy? In what ways does your son exhibit anxiety? How have you been taking him through this?

We have lessons here at the top and to the right of the board, but to begin,  I'll recommend this book:

The Power of Validation

The authors are protégés of Marsha Linehan, who developed DBT. Validation works on anyone,  especially children who look to adults to help form their psyches.

[Minerva1980]

Hi Evening95,

I just joined the site myself. I know what you mean about being "excited" about your husband's diagnosis. I was excited when I started reading about BPD and realized that my ex-husband most likely had it. It's very validating and feels good to know that there's a name for the insanity they put you through.

I don't know much myself yet, but I would recommend reading as much about the disorder as possible. I'm reading "Stop Walking on Eggshells" right now and it's really helpful.

Best,
Minerva1980