Newbie - toddler safety plan

[MarkTwain]

Hey all, so glad I found this place. And a psychologist pointed me in the correct direction.

Ex wife undiagnosed BPD. Currently I have custody she has unsupervised public visits

The visits have been a problem of late - ex seems to be on a downhill spiral. Unfortunately s5 bears the brunt of this. Lots of major blowout type fights between her and family + strangers, he's getting a lot of verbal abuse and we just found out she's been getting physical. Can't really get into courts for a while, have lawyer working on that but we are limited by the program were participating in.

He's quite the eloquent speaker for 5, and we've been working on his backbone. He will tell mom that we use nice hands in this house, when she hits. He's happy to tell her "this sounds like an adult problem not a kid problem" when she talks about courts or grownup issues (child support comes up every visit). The responses I'm sure anger her, but they drive the point home.

But the physical violence is making us think about safety plans, how can we BPD proof a 5 year old - if mom resorts to violence, what can we do? Teach him to run away and find someone in uniform, and tell them what's happening?

At a loss, anyone have some insight?

Thanks in advance - and thanks all for being here and making me feel not alone for once.

[Turkish]

Has the physicality gone into abuse territory based upon the laws within your jurisdiction?

For example, in my state, California,  face slapping isn't necessarily abuse unless it leaves a mark  (after which it is clear).

What do "Unsupervised public visits" mean, that it's in public,  not in her home?

[MarkTwain]

Not sure, talking with psychologist it's something they'd have to report to CFS, so that's coming next (my calls to CFS don't seem to be taken seriously, seem to be stuck in that original she claimed I was abusive so they ignore me cycle).

Yes in public meaning at a specific public place she's not allowed to leave, which is not her house. Yes she has been arrested for breaching that order by leaving.

We have tried to have the visits switched to supervised 4x since December but judge hasn't been willing to do that so far. But now with escalating behaviour - probably would - but summer break, almost impossible to get in to see him.

[MarkTwain]

Wow... .Checked my her email today. 5 days of silence?

I'm used to 5-10 ranting raving emails every day. (I don't reply, only give date/time for parenting time, and only check that email twice a week) had to check today for notice from her regarding visits.

Its extremely out of character for her? Especially given I know there's been chaos in her house in the past week... .I should be getting tons of blame - it's all my fault of course. Even when she doesn't have internet access she will seek out wifi to ensure I'm reminded of my being an abusive son of a witch.

[Turkish]

Sounds like it's wise to leave things to a mandatory reporter. Involving social services may be necessary,  but it might not always be ideal.  You've already done that.  Your T knows, hopefully, what's reportable. It's sad that they may not take you seriously given her past accusation.

If be anxious given the change in behavior regarding the email pattern.  We can,  however,  also drive ourselves nuts trying to guess what's going on.  I was like that for the better part of three years 

[MarkTwain]

The hope is having someone independent report to social services forces the supervised issue. Psychologist I met with who had talked to her - explained the BPD to me and is very concerned about the unsupervised - given the history. And the stalking behaviours.

Yeah I'm learning never to try to get into her brain or figure out what's next. The logic leaps needed to follow her train of thought would require some strong drugs I suspect