However, I had two examples of how to relate to people: my mother and father. My mother was out of control- I witnessed the raging and screaming. Kids don't understand the whole picture. They have magical thinking and also black and white thinking- a part of their maturity levels. So, I saw my mother as bad, my father as good. I saw him as a victim of my mother and didn't understand his part in this. He became the role model for me in relationships.
Sometimes I have the subtlety of a sledgehammer, and I'm going to use it for you here, DB:
D4 sees how you are relating to your wife as you have been doing so far. She loves you. She will probably choose you as a role model (like Notwendy did with her father).
Imagine her now in her 20s, married, with her first child... .and living with a husband who treats her
exactly the way your wife is treating you today, and reacting/responding
exactly the way you are to your wife today.
I'm guessing that is pretty disturbing for you.
If you don't want that, then your job is to model something you would be delighted to see when she grows up and becomes "just like you" instead.
It isn't easy, but there is still time to show her something different and have her really learn it and believe it. Don't let time for that run out!
