Nightmare

[37years]

I fell in love with my husband 37 years ago , I believe it was love at first sight. Looking back I knew something wasn't right with him. I knew he would hurt me. I tried to avoid him but he literally stalked me and I could help but love him. He has abused me for 37 years verbally emotionally and physically.

Fast forward to 2015... .It got so bad I googled angry, mean, abusive men. It started me on a nomoreabuse2015 journey to the end. That's where I'am now.

He has left me 6 times 4 times went to another state came back has been in a behavioral hospital 2 times. The first time came home got mad went back to the hospital with suicide thoughts and stayed 2 weeks. He came home last Monday after 2 days he has left again took all our money and is now in a hotel about 5 miles away. Tomorrow he may go back in the hospital but don't know. That's what he told the hospital.? They called me.

On top of it all he started a smear campaign against me that I was recently made aware of ... .Because my kids didn't want to hurt me so they never said anything until his behavior went spinning out of control. As my kids would say ... .This is crazy even even for us.

I need help, support. I feel like I dont know who I've been married too all these years. I think what's wrong with me? Why didn't I get it along time ago? His physiatrist recommended stop walking on eggshells which lead me here. I'm so glad to be here ... .Thought it was just me.

37years

[pearlsw]

Hi 37years, Glad you found this safe/supportive space. I imagine it must be so painful to be getting this information after so many years of this under your belt already. I think it is natural to second guess the past and wonder what was real or not, but... .be assured, with time and lots of reading there is a chance to sort this out and put it all in its place. Your own understanding and healing are possible as you will see from the many sections of this board. I thought it was just me before I came here. I could not fathom AT ALL how/why my guy broke up with me literally hundreds of time, and I darn sure didn't ask for or want that or allow that. I struggled to make sense of it until it broke me.

[pearlsw]

sorry to end so abruptly. partner came in and broke up with me. had done this hundreds of times. had a crisis. wishing you the best!