What do you do when they chase away you kids friends parents

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My uBPDxw and I separated in 2016 with the divorce being final a couple of months ago. Prior to the separation, we were trying to work through her extra-marital affair to no avail.  During the past 2 1/2 years, she has written off anyone who has told her behavior was not okay and she needed to fix what she broke including her Sister (they were best friends she was born), my family and her close friends in our town (we live ~ 800 miles from our families). She has pointed her finger at me telling me it's my fault we're divorced and I was the reason she had to have the affair. She blames for reaching out to friends for help but her behavior was so out of whack I didn't know who else to turn to.

In any event, the past year has gotten worse in that she has started verbally attacking family and friends and blackmailing them to the point some of them have told me our kids can't play together, even when they are with me, as they can't risk my wife showing up and their kids being exposed to her. The kids range in age from 8-16 and most have lost a very close friend or 2 as a result. I don't feel I can still be friends with the parents as it's not fair to my kids so I am slowly being isolated in my town as well. I maintain the family contact with my family as well as her parents and her sister (there are a few of her other siblings I don't remain in contact with as our kids have never really had a connection with their kids). She doesn't like when I spend time with our families but I feel it's very important the kids know their cousins. (Her mom, also uBPD, alienated the family from their cousins and I don't want it to happen to my kids). I won't let her alienate from my family and her parents have been very gracious to me and I don't want to have her end those relationships either.

I have had to tell the kids they can no longer play with their friends and tell them it's an adult decision and they've done nothing wrong but they are still confused as to what is happening. Any other ideas as to how to protect the kids from this happening and what to tell them when it does? Any ideas on putting the parents minds at ease so the kids can be friends.

Raisen Cane

[RaisenCane]

My uBPDxw and I separated in 2016 with the divorce being final a couple of months ago. Prior to the separation, we were trying to work through her extra-marital affair to no avail.  During the past 2 1/2 years, she has written off anyone who has told her behavior was not okay and she needed to fix what she broke including her Sister (they were best friends she was born), my family and her close friends in our town (we live ~ 800 miles from our families). She has pointed her finger at me telling me it's my fault we're divorced and I was the reason she had to have the affair. She blames for reaching out to friends for help but her behavior was so out of whack I didn't know who else to turn to.

In any event, the past year has gotten worse in that she has started verbally attacking family and friends and blackmailing them to the point some of them have told me our kids can't play together, even when they are with me, as they can't risk my wife showing up and their kids being exposed to her. The kids range in age from 8-16 and most have lost a very close friend or 2 as a result. I don't feel I can still be friends with the parents as it's not fair to my kids so I am slowly being isolated in my town as well. I maintain the family contact with my family as well as her parents and her sister (there are a few of her other siblings I don't remain in contact with as our kids have never really had a connection with their kids). She doesn't like when I spend time with our families but I feel it's very important the kids know their cousins. (Her mom, also uBPD, alienated the family from their cousins and I don't want it to happen to my kids). I won't let her alienate from my family and her parents have been very gracious to me and I don't want to have her end those relationships either.

I have had to tell the kids they can no longer play with their friends and tell them it's an adult decision and they've done nothing wrong but they are still confused as to what is happening. Any other ideas as to how to protect the kids from this happening and what to tell them when it does? Any ideas on putting the parents minds at ease so the kids can be friends.

Raisen Cane