Every holiday is ruined

[SAAT]

I am not sure if this happens to anyone else but whenever I plan a break with my husband there is always a new drama with my 26BPDd. This time we are
Going away tomorrow overseas and she rings me to say she is
Being evicted. This happens every time! How do I stop worrying on my holiday?  I did not want to ruin it for my husband who is her stepfather. We both work hard and he puts up with her craziness all year round. She is now angry at me because I will not let her stay with her dog and cat in our house in our absence ... .sounds harsh but she is totally untrustworthy and I have my own cat here. She chose to acquire pets which limits her renting options and she did not pay the rent. At 26 she needs to learn from her mistakes but is this possible? She acts like a 12 yrnold. Constant stress about her safety including suicide attempts is affecting my health. I need a break from worrying about her! every text
Message is a drama! She has no support really apart from me she has alienated her siblings

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Rockieplace]

Hi there,  We have the same problem with our DD34.  There is always a crisis on the day we are leaving.  We have learnt to stay calm and sympathize but just carry on regardless.  It is hard though I have to admit.  We were meeting some friends on a boat journey and they played a joke on us and had our names announced over the intercom to come to the reception just as we were sailing off!  I've just about forgiven them now over two years later!  

I understand totally your stance on not letting your D stay in your home too.  We do exactly the same.  That is absolutely not an option for us.  My d has done the same with pets too.  We have been looking after one of her dogs for the past year now and I have become very attached to him.  It is going to be hard to hand him back which I'm going to have to do shortly.  I set a boundary before she bought the second dog that I wouldn't look after two dogs.  I was hoping that this would prevent her from getting the second puppy but no such luck.   I've stuck to that boundary and now the other dog is being looked after by someone else!  Hey ho!

I know what I am saying is probably not providing any answers.  I don't think there are any.  I do try to detach with love while we go and each time we do it it gets a little easier.  My D accepts it better now than at the start.  I hope you can enjoy your holiday and take some time to care for yourself.  As you say, your D has to learn to take responsibility and if you tell her you are sure she will be able to sort things out, you never know,  she may well do so.  Good luck.   

[wendydarling]

Hi SAAT

I'm so sorry to hear this, RP gives good advice.

One thing that helped me, early on when the hospitalisation started and before treatment DBT I supported DD calling the local mental health crisis team, she met with them and they helped her develop a crisis plan which she shared with me, she's used it a number of times and avoided hospitalisation every time - they know when a crisis is escalating, this has taken away my fear, worry, stress and responsibility - she's knows how to get help.

My DD lives at home - I often think about independent living which will come. Like directing my DD to the crisis team I've been wondering what social services support is out there to support independent living, is there any support your DD's entitled to, you can direct her to?

WDx

[Lilacs]

SAAT
Just remember. Saving her every time is in some ways enabling her. She needs to Learn to solve her own problems.
Peace
Lilacs.