BPDDD 17 wants to move out

[Yepanotherone]

Okay so we all know it's am absolutely ridiculous idea and absolutely not in her best interest , and besides which , it's likely against the terms of her probation . I'm getting so fed up of trying different approaches to make home life that more bearable for us all , but basically my DD is at her happiest when she's with her friends ( show me a 17 year old that isn't !)
I've already been down the screaming and yelling route , calling the police route to bring her home when she's staying over at friends , trying to rationalise logic and have a sensible , adult conversation with her , I've tried easing up on curfew times , having her friends have sleepovers here in her own home instead , you name it ! She still has it in her head that she wants to move out and get an apartment with her best friend . Eyeroll !
So I'm trying a new approach tonight . I'm not arguing . I'm not trying to reason with her . I'm not pointing out all the logistics of how it's actually going to be impossible for her to financially afford it , I'm being very calm and nice ! Merely asking her what the process is going to be for her and her friend and that she might need to discuss it with her probation officer .
Anyone else got any ideas ? Obviously I want her to stay at home for her own good ( and mental health !) but I'm losing this battle  

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hi Yep

Sorry to hear this as you say it's dependant on much, her probation terms, reaching 18, affordability, learning financial management, self care and what happens if she's gets into financial difficulties? Of course we want them to live independently when they are ready ... .I'd adopt the same approach, stand back and let her work through this, help her problem solve if she comes to you. She may realise it'll take time to save up for deposit, belongings etc. Have you spoken with the other parent, is their child at home?

WDx

[Yepanotherone]

Hi Wendy , thanks for responding the girl she wants to move into am apartment with is 19 and a little bit more worldly. She's been homeless before , and was apparently kicked out of her step dads home at the age of 18. She already lives in a home where she rents out a room and it's connected to her work in a fast food place . My DD just packed her job in last week because she's not been enjoying it ( she was bussing tables in a restaurant , only lasted 4weeks in this job ) . So no job = no money and really quite delusional about how her future is going to pan out at this stage . She turns her nose up at most minimal wage jobs , has big ideas for herself too ! But doesn't really knuckle down at her online school .
Last night I asked them what the plans are, her friend said my DD wouldn't be able to move into the existing home the friend rents a room at because it's linked to her workplace , so her and my DD need to " save up a deposit and then rent an apartment but the lease would be in my name only " ( this friend is aware my DD has no credit history etc )
It's all pie in the sky as far as I'm concerned , it's frustrating to see my DD being unable to think logically and to realise how silly it is to compromise everything she has at home and to reduce any possibility at all of even finishing high school never mind going to college . She wants to throw all her potential down the toilet , simply because she likes to party with her friends and smoke /drink/do drugs whenever she pleases .
Obviously my hope is that in my new approach of not pointing out all the realities and avoiding getting into an arguement about it , and just standing back , I'm hoping she'll see sense ! Not to mention i highly doubt her probation officer is going to give her the green light to move out until she's of legal age to do so ! Give me strength to see this through without losing my patience ! Any suggestions about how I can be seen to be encouraging yet real ?

[Gorges]

I would wait for the probation officer.  You might not need to say/do anything.

[Angela033]

Yep,
I agree about letting reality step in to determine what your daughter can and can't do.  I have found that letting other factors decide the course of one of my daughter's delusions (and she has had many) is less exhausting, but also doesn't automatically set me up as the bad guy.  And since I am a single parent, I am almost always the bad guy!
I hope this all just fizzles out.  You are doing a great job, hang in there!