Suicidal thoughts

[1hope]

Things have been going along very well for the last 2 months.  My BPD daughter had a suicide attempt in May, which resulted in a hospital stay.  After that, she stabilized very well, continued with her dbt therapy, and was feeling like she was in a really good place.  She even told us that she hadn't been having suicidal thoughts since her hospital stay.  She was very happy about this.  She was coping better with situations, and we have been using this site to guide us in dealing with her, and as a valuable resource. 

Last week before we went on holidays for a few days, she spent $190 in 2 days from her bank account.  She just got a new job, and was so happy to be earning some money.  This put us on alert for a possible "spiral".  While on holidays, she used money from a grandparent, and secretly went out and got a nose ring.  We didn't react to it at all.  We didn't want to add to the spiral by getting upset. 

Last night at 2:30am she came into my room and told me that she had been on the phone to the crisis line because she was having suicidal thoughts again.  (This is part of the plan we have for her).  They recommended that she go to the hospital, but she explained they won't take her because of her BPD diagnosis. (This is a common practice among the hospitals in our area).  We have been told multiple times that a hospital stay is "counter-indicative" for BPD patients. 

We talked it through, discussed what strategies she knows that we could try to use.  There doesn't seem to be a specific event this time, but I know that many of her friends are going away to school later this month, and she is not.  This is part of the abandonment I believe. 

She is supposed to have an appt with her dbt therapist Tuesday, but says she won't be going because she has to work.  I tried to talk to her about that last night, but she says she HAS to go to work or she'll feel worse. 

Just needed to share this, and I'm hoping for some words of wisdom... .

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hi 1hope

I'm sorry to hear this. Does your DD's DBT therapist take evening telephone calls - many do, if they don't they may make an exception. Might take the pressure of your DD if this can be arranged.

WDx

[Gorges]

I actually agree with your daughter.  Throwing yourself into work or a hobby can give you a break from thinking about your problems.  When you come back to them, the problems seem less.  It is so great that she used skills, called the crises line and then came to you.

[incadove]

I don't know if its wisdom but it sounds positive to me that she is sticking with her job, that shows some determination and maturity.   Perhaps she can reschedule her appointments around her job so they don't interfere. 

Great that she trusts you to talk to about these things without expecting you to solve all the problems, that sounds like progress, and that you have really worked to build that relationship with her.  Maybe recognizing and letting her know you are proud of her for going to work would help build her self esteem? 

Good luck and I hope for the best.

[1hope]

Thanks to everyone for your words of support!  I really needed them. 

We spoke to her therapist today, and she rescheduled her appt to Saturday. My daughter feels that it is important to stick with work as it "distracts" her thoughts.

We did find a safety plan form online today and filled it in together.  It looked at various levels of coping with a crisis situation.  The only part she was unwilling to complete was the section on what action she might take to harm herself.  Her therapist said that she feels like telling us her plan takes away her power.  I encouraged her to think of it as taking back the power, and making the choice to squash that plan.  We have left that section blank, knowing that she can come back to it if she's ready.

Her therapist also reinforced that she can contact her anytime she needs to.  She made my daughter promise to text if she feels she is going to put her plan into action.  I hope this is enough.  It is so hard to know what to do in these crisis situations.  As parents we are always told to take talk of suicide seriously, however the health care system in Ontario, Canada looks at BPD cases differently.  We have been turned away many times when we have taken her to emerg because she is suicidal.  This does not do much for our confidence in the system... .