Daughter functioning

[february14]

15 year old daughter has BPD. Need to help her.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hello february14 and welcome to bpdfamily

I'm so glad you have reached out to us for support, members here are in similar situation to you, you are not alone.   Can you share with us what's happening, what you are dealing with, is your daughter in treatment?

WDx

[wlp23]

Maybe I can help you start the conversation.  My 15 year old daughter also has BPD.  Well, technically she was diagnosed in the hospital with cluster B, which is someone who shows symptoms of more than one personality disorder.  The one I see the most is BPD.
 She is very intelligent.  She is high functioning.  Unless you have some inner glimpse into her life, you probably would have no idea she is any different from any other teen today.  I spend my days wondering if I am the problem.  She is SO VERY GOOD at turning everything around on me and making me spin in circles.  I've spent the last 3 years taking her to dr's and therapists trying to help her with anxiety and depression... .and really just trying to figure all this out.  We are just now starting to get answers with BPD.  So then I wonder, what does her future look like?  What will her life look like?  Are we going to be stuck in this forever?  She doesn't know she has BPD.  Her therapist and I have decided it's best to just use this as a way to help us understand her.  After all, if you tell a teenager they are seeking attention and over reacting, what do you think they will say?  (<-- yes I realize how that sounds but I do understand that this is largely out of her control.)
 
What i'm trying to say is, I get it.  This is a struggle every single day.  I'm just now starting to get a handle on it.  I am surrounded by a wonderful mental health team (which is not something we can all say :/ ) and doing my best to change the way I think.  The most important thing I've learned; I can only control myself.  I can't control anyone else.  So the work starts with me. 

My suggestion... find a good therapist.  This may take a few tries.  And accept, that this therapist is probably going to be more for you than for your daughter.  If one therapist isn't a good fit, go to another.  If they aren't working out for you, they aren't worth your time.  Keep looking.

Look into dialectal behavioral therapy so she can learn to recognize and manage her emotions.  She isn't going to want to do it.  But even just getting her in the room and making her listen to the words puts them in the back of her head.  Maybe it will sink in.

It's hard.  REALLY hard.  But keep going.