Daughter showing traits of BPD in acute therapy program

[tracy46]

My daughter is 14, and has been showing what definitely appears to be the symptoms/traits of BPD.  She has been diagnosed with major depression and social anxiety. (Too young for BPD diagnosis).   I have 4 children and we are a warm and loving family, however, as she entered puberty, her behavior started to become extremely volatile, to the point we are permanently walking on eggshells with her.  She flies into rages and will hit people and says she hates myself and her one brother.  She is in an acute therapy program at the moment after being hospitalized.  She yelled at me yesterday that 'It is my fault she is in this program, and that I mean nothing to her.'  When she is stable, she feels real remorse for how she speaks to me.  She tells me she loves me very much.  I feel so hurt as she keeps saying vile things to push me away.  I have visited her every day of the last month she has been away, and I told her I know she doesn't mean that, and that I love her, she said she does mean it, and I must not visit her again.  What do I do?  To be honest, I think maybe I should leave her to think about what she has said to me and not visit a bit.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Kwamina]

Hi tracy46,

Although the circumstances that have brought you here are quite sad, I am glad to see you joining our online community

Your daughter unfortunately has been diagnosed with some quite serious disorders and you believe is also exhibiting certain BPD traits. Since she is still so young, I encourage you to take a look at this thread:

Early signs of possible BPD traits in your children

Here is an excerpt from the thread:

Doctors are often very reluctant to diagnose young children with BPD, partly because the brain is still developing. Having said that, I think looking back many parents of now adult children with BPD will probably be able to identify certain early indicators of possible BPD traits in their children. Regardless of whether it was 'officially' labeled as BPD or not. Blaise Aguirre, MD, examined the notion of not being able to diagnose adolescents with BPD and raises some very interesting points:

• The idea that we have to wait until 18 to diagnose a personality disorder [makes] little clinical sense and flies in the face of current evidence.
• In our clinical experience most adult patients with BPD recognize that their symptoms started in adolescence (or earlier).
• Personality evolves in children. Parents often recognize that their children can have very different personalities from each other.
• Psychiatry has been comfortable diagnosing most other DSM conditions in younger people.
• No other medical or psychiatric condition would wait to get until someone was 18 to get targeted treatment.

Currently your daughter is in an acute therapy program after being hospitalized. What exactly was she hospitalized for? What happened leading up to her hospitalization?

Do the people treating her also think she exhibits possible BPD traits?

Being verbally abused is very unpleasant and can be quite difficult to deal with. What can help is to try and keep in mind that your daughter's behavior stems from her disorder and distorted thinking and perception. No matter what she says or does, her behavior likely is more a reflection of her own inner turmoil than it is of you.

Take care

The Board Parrot