Pls help. She ha to go but no where to go. What would u do

[Sadgirl92]

Been struggling with my non diagnosed BPD for a long long time. I am 43 and we live w my 70 year old parents. Her dad kicked her out a year ago so she came here. It's a long story, I take care of my parents.

She has had rages in front of my parents before.  Screams in my moms face. You know the rages. My parents just try to ignore her and hope she will just get better. We just don't want to give up on her. But last night was the last straw. She yelled at my mother and me for 4 hours. She wouldn't walk away, she wouldn't let us walk away. We would have called the cops but all that does is they drive her to hospital and send us a 1200 hospital bill. And send her right back.

She def cannot live here anymore after last night. Problem is she has no friends no boyfriends no where to go. I offer an apartment but she I feel going to take what I can afford. So where does she go? Do I just say OH WELL go live out there and who cares what happens? I don't want her killed or raped or hurt. But she can't stay here. She can't. I am waiting for her to wake to start fighting again cuz I have to telll her to leave. I can't put my parents theu this. They are on pins and needles waiting for that rage moment. So now I feel like the bad one that's hurting them cuz she IS MY daughter.

Sorry if long and I hope makes sense. I just literally woke up rolled over and asking for help.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Kwamina]

Hi Sadgirl92,

I had been thinking about you so thanks for this update

Unfortunately your daughter is still raging. When you posted before she was also physically violent, is that currently still a problem?

How does your daughter view her own behavior? Does she show any kind of understanding that her behavior is abusive?

This is indeed about your and your parents' safety and well-being. Yet since she is your daughter, I totally understand why in spite of everything you are also very much concerned about what will happen to her.

I think boundaries and validation are tools that go hand in hand. Setting and enforcing/defending boundaries does not mean you do not love her and don't make you the bad one even though it sometimes might feel that way, particularly if your daughter would say it to you. Also even when validating your child, this does not mean that at the same time you can't also enforce/defend boundaries with her. Love without boundaries really isn't love at all and can easily turn into total self-sacrifice, and enforcing/defending boundaries without love can easily lead one to forget why you wanted to set boundaries in the first place.

The Board Parrot

[incadove]

Hi Sadgirl92

That sounds incredibly difficult.  I read your post and was trying to think of any possible solution.  I don't remember reading before about your situation, does any medication help your daughter calm down?  Usually I try to avoid medications but in this situation it might be the best solution if it will stop her rages.  I've written before about a foster child that I volunteer with who has similar problems if he is not on his medication, he takes Zyprexa as well as some other meds.  And my dd uses marijuana to calm her anxiety, she says it is very effective also in helping her change her perspective.  I know that others want to keep their kids off drugs and I totally understand that!  I would prefer a non-chemical solution in all cases.  But in an emergency like this, its the only thing I could think of.

[Kwamina]

Hi Sadgirl92,

How are things now? Are there any new developments?

Take care and I hope you are safe

[Sadgirl92]

Hi

Oh you remember me. Thank you. I’m back because I’m at wits end yet again. I almost kicked her out. I tried. But she made a deal with me that she would get her own place, but that didn’t work out. Gosh I’m so exhausted to even explain what’s happening.


She smokes weed every day and I got over that a long time ago. . She’s like the angriest pothead I ever meet.

But you know what helps her? Like miraculously? Ativan! If she had that pill we wouldn’t be going through half of what we’re going through. But we have to beg the doctors here. And they threaten, Well I am only going to give it to you one more time. I want to beg the doctor. Please give this to my daughter you are saving our lives.

I decided that’s what I am going to do. I am going to make an appt to see a doctor tomorrow. I will show them videos of her rages. I will tell them everything and I will desperately beg them to give her meds.

 I’m sorry. I’m very sloppy with my words tonight. And grammar errors.  Embarrassing. Forgive me. But, that’s my plan to see that doctor. I mean what is it going to hurt. Maybe they can even teach me some tools. I’m going to stick to these boards and read replies and tips. . Really try even harder.

Btw. I have called the cops on her twice for attempted suicide. Both times they sent her home the same night. Now we just have those bills to pay. Attempted suicide and crippling debt. That’s all she needs. I’m sorry I can’t be late for work another day. I’m up late stressing on this. Is this my life forever? I think it may never change. Ty for listening. I will write with a. Cooler head. Ty for support.

[Kwamina]

Hi Sadgirl92

I am very sorry the situation with your daughter is still so very difficult. Her behavior is challenging and I know from your previous posts how violently aggressive she can get.

You mention Ativan. For what reason was she initially prescribed this medication? Why do you believe the doctors are reluctant to prescribe it to her now?

Did you go through with your plan to make a doctor's appointment so you can also show them videos of your daughter's rages?

It is very sad that your daughter also has suicidal tendencies. I can imagene how that would impact the entire family. You mention her two attempts, did they happen recently?

You are still dealing with some very challenging issues, but I'm glad to see you reaching out here again for support and advice to help you get through this

The Board Parrot

[StepMonster]

How old is your daughter?