not diagnosed but so many traits

[mommapanda]

Hello I'm new here!  I stumbled across this site while spending many hours researching how to help my daughter.  She is 20 years old and over the last few years struggled with many close relationships, trying to keep steady employment, jumping from group of friends to another, impulsive behaviour and spending habits.  Everytime I try to reach out and offer help it seems to push her further away.  I have read lots of information on BPDcentral and working on some recommended reading.  I know in my heart that these are her problems, she's 20 and responsible for her own actions but I can't help myself from feeling helpless, guilty and hurt.  I think "what have I done to cause her these problems".

Recently she reached out to me and admitted she has been lying to cover up errors in judgement, using her lies as safety nets, and that she pushes away the people that care about.  She asked for me to help. I thought, "my god, she's admitting it finally, taking a step in the right direction to getting help" and then a big fat "WHAT NOW!" popped into my head. 

I'm looking to connect with people in similar scenarios currently or previously that can offer me some advice.  I briefly presented the possibility of BPD to her directly.  Gently suggesting she may have something going on that can be helped.  She didn't get angry, she didn't storm out, she was receptive at the time to considering it.  I'm looking for suggestions or ideas to move forward now. 

Any ideas, suggestions, comments, advice will be much appreciated.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[bpdexhausted]

no simple answers I'm afraid... .but welcome to this community. there's some good resources here and you are not alone. we are all trying to figure this stuff out. in sympathy. BPD exhausted

[wendydarling]

Hi mommapanda and welcome 

I’d like to join BPDexhausted in welcoming you to bpdfamily .

I'm glad you found us, parents here understand what you are dealing with, you are not alone.   It sounds like you have a loving, respectful and trusting relationship with your daughter, despite her struggles she's able to reach out to you, she knows.

Acknowledging and accepting is a very brave thing for our children to do and what I have learnt equally important is how we support and that requires us to be prepared to change, to skill up by using the tools and lessons to your right  it starts with us  Have a look at listening with empathy experts say it's the most powerful tool, it certainly helped me in those early days, putting myself in my DD's shoes.

I want to share this with you how to get a borderline into therapy every situation is unique my 29DD was desperate to understand why she was struggling and the diagnosis validated her feeling, provided her relief that there was help out there, she's just completed 12 months DBT and continues working on her recovery.

What do you think your DD may feel is the best way forwards for her at this point?

WDx