My daughter

[milpalmeras]

Hi it's nice to be here - thank you for letting me join. I really need to talk to people with similar problems. I have four children, my eldest daughter is undiagnosed BPD she's 31.  My son is 27 and in rehab for gambolling problems and my youngest daughter has a defiant, controlling personality. I lost my 20 year old son 9 years ago. He committed suicide in October 2008. He exhibited signs of NPD, paranoia and psychosis.  Their father, my ex, was diagnosed with NPD, Anti-social personality disorder, paranoia and traits of autism in 2014. 
It has been very difficult trying to cope and understand all these illnesses and at the moment l am trying to tackle my eldest daughter who is showing symptoms of BPD.  I am remarried to a lovely supportive man but it is still very challenging trying to understand and come with her bullying and manipulation.  Thank you for listening.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hi milipalmeras

I'm glad you found us, welcome to bpdfamily   You've come to the right place for support parents here are in similar situations, you are not alone.  You are dealing with a lot, it's been difficult coping and understanding these illnesses. I'm so very sorry you lost your son.  

You say you are trying to tackle your eldest daughter who is showing symptoms of BPD, in what way is she bullying and manipulating? There are tools to the right  that help us change the way we communicate to improve relationships. Do you think she's aware of her struggles? Does she live independently?

WDx

[milpalmeras]

Hi, thank you for your kind reply. My daughter has just got married and lives independently in London. For years as she was growing up she has been angry and bullying in her words to me and when l have had enough she becomes a little girl, says sorry and acts like a baby. If she can't get her own way she cuts herself or overeats.  She is now obese and l'm worried about her health. I do think she is aware that there is something with her but she doesn't seem to pursue treatment or other help. She takes high dose antidepressants which make her sleep a lot but just about manages to hold down a teaching job at a local school. Just recently l wrote to her asking her to take part in joint counselling sessions to try to get to the bottom of her constant irritation and anger with me. I arranged it all and she see the counsellor next week and then we both have a session together. It hope it improves our relationship and helps us to understand each other.

[wendydarling]

Hi there milipalmeras

I'm glad you've been able to arrange to meet with your daughter next week and hope it goes well supporting her to move forwards, perhaps that's what she needs your support to help herself. We care about our members can you let us know how it goes? It's heart breaking seeing our children struggle managing their emotions, using harmful coping mechanisms, destructive behaviours and it’s hard not to take it personally especially when as you say your DD's anger and irritation is directed at you, it hurts. Like your daughter my 29DD cut – it’s 18 months since she last cut, she’s been receiving DBT, things can get better, it takes work.

Have you read the listen with empathy and validate the valid tools to your right  
Often considered the most important tool for supporting a loved one with borderline personality disorder, is "empathy" and many of us over estimate our own empathy skills. My 29DDdaughter needed me to listen and validate her feelings. Those were the first tools I used when joining here, my DD was in crisis, opening up communication my DD felt understood, supported in a loving environment and not alone.

Actively using the tools here help improve our relationships with everyone, I’m thinking of your other children here.

Do you have children at home?

We are walking with you.  

WDx