New here. Need help protecting my psyche

[BarbBMtAiry]

I am joining the BPD group as I have an adult child diagnosed with BPD abt 4 yrs ago. She rejects the BPD diagnosis but all of the classic symptoms match her behavior over the past 15 + years

I hope to get support in the group by feedback that I'm doing  the right tho g in protecting my grandchildren (her kids) and how to get back my life . which has been taken over by caring for her kids and dealing with all of the chaos that she creates in my life. She provokes a lot of anger in me and brings out the worst in me. I want to not be reactive any longer.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hi BarbBMtAiry and welcome to bpdfamily

I'm sorry for what you're going through but glad you have found a community where many of us have been through similar experiences, and we can learn from each other. You will see from reading the posts here that you are far from alone.

Stepping out drama and chaos helps us reclaim our life, the tools and lessons here can help us make that happen.  Can you share how dependent your DD is on you, how often do you care for your grandchildren? Has something recently happen that's brought you to this point?

What aspects of her behaviour do you find most difficult to deal with, you say she provokes a lot of anger in you and brings out the worst in you, you want to not reactive any longer is good, you don't have to react! Reacting makes things worse - see here Don't react, Respond with S.E.T. - can also be found to the   of your screen.

Apologies for so many questions, I'm glad you found us. 

WDx

[incadove]

BarBMtAiry I hear you, I hate being reactive too!  And boy I have been.  One thing that helps me is to have control over my direct environment, does she live with you? 

I admire your sacrifice in caring for your grandchildren, I think it means a lot and you are definitely doing the right thing to protect them!

The book that helped me recently in really reducing anger and resentment was actually the Dalai Llama's book LovingKindness.  He talks a lot about intention and compassion, its hard to put in a couple sentences but the whole idea of wanting happiness for ourselves first, being a good friend to yourself, then wanting happiness for others, is pretty powerful.  And the skills here help a lot too!

Saying you don't want to be reactive any longer is so powerful!  You have the intention - then to implement it, learning the skills and practicing, and controlling your own environment and setting boundaries you can live with, I hope that helps.

Good luck and keep plugging!