Daughter starting to sell sex for money

[Parents! Get help here!]

Hello,
I am in shock and don't know where to turn. Our 19 yr daughter has struggled with bulimia, self harm, promiscuity for the last 4 years. She has finally graduated from high school and is supposed to start university in a few weeks. I have just discovered that she is meeting strange men online to have sex for money. I also believe she has agreed to do a porn movie for a larger sum of money. How can we keep her safe and prevent her from entering this dangerous world. Is it possible?

[Cricket12]

Hello,
I am in shock and don't know where to turn. Our 19 yr daughter has struggled with bulimia, self harm, promiscuity for the last 4 years. She has finally graduated from high school and is supposed to start university in a few weeks. I have just discovered that she is meeting strange men online to have sex for money. I also believe she has agreed to do a porn movie for a larger sum of money. How can we keep her safe and prevent her from entering this dangerous world. Is it possible?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Yepanotherone]

No words of wisdom from me , just big hugs as I'm anticipating this situation may well be in my future too with my 17 year old ! I'm obviously praying it won't , but in the same token , it wouldn't surprise me one bit of it does !

[wendydarling]

Hi Cricket12 welcome to bpdfamily   

I'm sorry what brings you here and glad you turned to us for support, discovering your daughter is selling sex for money is such a shock.  Is this all online or is she meeting them in person?

How to keep her safe and preventing her from entering this dangerous world? What's the back history Cricket12? Has she received any treatment for her struggles you mention, what's your relationship like, how do you think she'll feel about you knowing?

The successful outcome is for her to change her choice, question is how to redirect her in a compassionate and supportive way ... .whether this can work.

WDx

[Cricket12]

My daughter has placed an ad online and is conversing with these people about what she is willing to do. I suspect she has met men in the past. We confronted her about her choices and she claims that she is only intrigued by the idea but swears she would never go through with meeting these people. We expressed or fears for her safety and offered her any therapy (psychologist , equine, dbt etc. ) she does not want to participate in any form of therapy. She is not willing to discuss her feelings etc.  She has been both an in and an utpatient at an eating disorder clinic and has tried equine therapy in the past. I don't know how I can convince her that it can really help her to try. If she refuses treatment, I'm not sure things won't get worse. Is there a way to get her to try? I feel powerless but I can't give up on her!  

[wendydarling]

Hi Cricket12

I understand you feel powerless, she's not willing/motivated to participate in therapy or discuss her feelings. Here is advice and a video how to help a loved one into therapy and also what not to do.

Get Someone into Therapy To us it's clear and simple, it explains the complexity from suffers viewpoints, as you know it's not straight forward.

There are tools and lessons to the right that help us improve our relationships. Have a look at Lesson 2 if your current approach is not working - change it.

My daughter has placed an ad online and is conversing with these people about what she is willing to do. I suspect she has met men in the past. We confronted her about her choices and she claims that she is only intrigued by the idea but swears she would never go through with meeting these people.

I'm not sure what to say, she's not taken down the ad, you don't believe her.

How do you think your DD will cope at university, will she be living independently?

WDx

[Gorges]

You are not alone.  My daughter also got involved in this which highly promoted on-line, you tube videos etc.  I just talked with my daughter about the damage this would do to her and our family. I explained that we have a deep relationship and her actions affect her and us.  I asked if she needed financial support (within reason) to get her through any temporary difficulties.  My daughter was living on her own and had impulsively quit her job so needed money.

This was the ultimate low point, I believe, in her life. But, she has had other low points as well.

There was really not anything that I could do.  She was legally an adult.  Also, the more I get caught up in restricting her behavior (which is impossible at this point) the more of a game it becomes.  I could just explain where I stood and take care of myself.  It did end and if you saw how she is now you would be shocked that she ever did that.  The on-line world makes it easy for these vulnerable kids to get caught up in somewhat permanent mistakes.

I am very sorry you are going through this, but you are not alone.