Hello

[Tootsbaby]

Hi,
Have just found this website and decided to register.
Our 24 year old daughter has been diagnosed with BPD. She no longer lives with us after attacking me during a psychotic episode in March 2017. Since then her behaviour towards us has become increasingly extreme. She is constantly angry,
Blames me, in particular, for abandoning her, which I haven't. She lives a chaotic life, has no job (we support her financially), still hears voices although the medics say she doesn't have psychosis. She has made several suicide attempts, two serious ones and she is so unhappy and lonely. She has cut herself off from her sister and her few friends. She is like a lost soul and our lovely, lovely daughter has disappeared. This behaviour started after a complete psychotic breakdown nearly two years ago after an abusive relationship with a boy at university. (We didn't know about it at the time). She didn't complete the course, tried a series of jobs and then had the breakdown.
The mental health team seem unable to know what to do. She has had therapy with a psychologist but it hasn't helped and now family therapy has been suggested. She has stopped taking any medication.
I can't sleep and spend time crying every day. My husband is really upset too and it is affecting both of us. Her sister is desperate for her to be better and looks to me to try to solve everything. Her fiancé says he often finds her crying because she is so upset about her sister. We fully expect to find her dead one day.
We were a really happy, well adjusted family until our younger daughter became ill. I know there is no quick fix but we are desperate to find a therapy or treatment which may help her.
So having got that off my chest thanks for listening. It helps to know that we're not alone.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Lollypop]

Hi tootsbaby

You're not alone. I'm terribly sorry to hear about your daughter and your troubles. It's like the worst pain that can be imagined and I understand. We took our DS26 Back into our home at 24 following a crisis. We didn't know what else we could do. It was so complex and we felt completely out of our depth. 

This forum has helped my family tremendously get us happier. My DS is functioning and we have a better relationship. It's taken a huge amount of patience and effort by me. I couldn't have done it without immersing myself and practising how to be the parent he needed, not the one I thought I should be. I had to stop trying to fix the situation, and learn as much as I could about BPD (top right hand side of this page). This is where you should start. My family then learnt from me.

This cycle of grief can end by you choosing to step away from it to learn. It can get better but it takes one of you to stop crying, stop trying to fix it and learn how you can change your approach. Your daughter is unable to do this herself, she needs you to do this.

Hugs.

LP