Preparing to present financial settlement offer

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hey everyone, I have just won custody of my son after a long, exhausting battle with my BPD spouse.  I am preparing to present a financial property settlement offer.  Both of us will end up with less than we had before marriage.  I am concerned, however, that she will make legal claims to money that was given to me before marriage.  Without getting into the detail, legally there is a precident for this so she would likely win in the event it goes to trial. The money was given to me by a family member who intended it to be used for a specific purpose. That said, I would like some advice on what if anything I could do to convince her not to demand the money.   The only thing I can think of is to tell her that while she may have a legal right to it, taking the money would damage my opinion of her as well as her reputation with my family.
Thoughts?  Any other ideas?  Any ideas on how to present it to her so it isn't a shock and doesn't produce an extreme emotional reaction?
Thanks!

[Dorian211]

Hey everyone, I have just won custody of my son after a long, exhausting battle with my BPD spouse.  I am preparing to present a financial property settlement offer.  Both of us will end up with less than we had before marriage.  I am concerned, however, that she will make legal claims to money that was given to me before marriage.  Without getting into the detail, legally there is a precident for this so she would likely win in the event it goes to trial. The money was given to me by a family member who intended it to be used for a specific purpose. That said, I would like some advice on what if anything I could do to convince her not to demand the money.   The only thing I can think of is to tell her that while she may have a legal right to it, taking the money would damage my opinion of her as well as her reputation with my family.
Thoughts?  Any other ideas?  Any ideas on how to present it to her so it isn't a shock and doesn't produce an extreme emotional reaction?
Thanks!

[david]

If she has no proof then I would not worry. My ex made all kinds of claims about me having hidden money but could not show any proof. I simply said it was not true and that was that. It was not up to me to prove it was false.
When we went through equitable distribution ex made all kinds of claims. Some were true and some were not. My reply did not address any of her claims that I did not think required me to address. I simply gave what I thought was important and left the rest for her to prove. Ex actually wanted part of my retirement accounts. I replied that my accounts were mine and her accounts were hers and I wasn't discussing any of it. My attorney turned around and told her attorney that he would require ( I forget what the form was called but it was kind of a forensic accounting ) which would require lots of money and time. Her attorney backed down without even knowing how much I had.
If the money was given for a purpose can you use it for that now ? I would discuss this with my attorney and say nothing to my ex. Just let your attorney be prepared in case it is brought up.

[Dorian211]

Thanks David.  The challenge is, the challenge is the legal rights she has to money I acquired before marriage is actually very legit.  So this is probably a loosing battle.  Just trying to prepare for the worst and get any suggestions that might help reduce her emotional reaction.

[ForeverDad]

While she may refuse to agree to this approach, it is one that can defuse a more normal person's demands... .  Set the money up as a fund for the children, for education, college or special expenses such as cars when they're old enough, summer camp expenses, school sponsored field trips, etc.  The goal is to get her to accept it is best to make it the children's money, not his and not hers.  Would that sidestep the dilemma?  Technically neither of you would win or lose.  The children would be the winners.

[Dorian211]

While she may refuse to agree to this approach, it is one that can defuse a more normal person's demands... .  Set the money up as a fund for the children, for education, college or special expenses such as cars when they're old enough, summer camp expenses, school sponsored field trips, etc.  The goal is to get her to accept it is best to make it the children's money, not his and not hers.  Would that sidestep the dilemma?  Technically neither of you would win or lose.  The children would be the winners.

Thanks ForeverDad,
I love this idea and will give it a try.  Lately I find it's best to just keep trying different approaches.  Will let you know what works.

[whirlpoollife]

Do you have a paper trail on that money?  When it was deposited ?  A copy of the check written with a date ?  Bank statement with dates .  Physical evidence in this can help much.