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Author Topic: I Will Never Trust a pwBPD  (Read 784 times)
StayStrongNow
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« on: September 12, 2017, 06:19:04 PM »

I slammed the door being shut on ever being friendly to my uxBPDw. I became lenient and eventually let slide the court ordered breathalyzer tests she had to take before and after seeing the kids. This mistake of mine occurred shortly after the court supervised parenting time with my D11, D9 and S8 ended. I thought for the sake of my kids who have already gone through with her arrests and convictions of domestic battery, disorderly conduct (many counts), public intoxication (passed out on the sidewalk with my then S6), child endangerment (all separate incidents and there were more arrests and non arrests incidents) and yes of course DCFS investigations and findings that the kids had enough. I would do what I could to see if I could help this Cluster B who was circling the drain. Mistake number ... ., shoot I don't know what number.

Well, 8 months after the MSA and parenting order was stamped by the court and 5 months after her drinking to complete stupor of alcohol Vodka primarily, and binging and mixing in Trazadone, Xanex, Cymbalta. Celexa and probably who knows what else illegal probably her brand new attorney files a motion with the court. She wants to turn around 180 degrees on me having sole significant decision making authority and the majority of time with the kids for she has claimed she is cured and I am a bad parent. She has tests to report, she has had therapy, bible study, AA and apparently done with all the steps (I must have not answered her call on step 9) and is ready to take joint custody and share 50 50 on parenting time. Oh I forgot to mention her replacement put a big wedding ring on her and now she is in full righteous power and said she is ready for her to be the mother of the year.

Is she being nice you may ask? Surely all the recovery tools she is using must have changed her ... .Right... .? NOT!

Never put your guard down, once the borderline paints you black go NC or LC and don't think of anything else. And if by chance you think that little Miss Cluster B has really turned around think again. She made you a cake, she speaks in that soft voice rather than that unfamiliar little girls voice that reminds you of a nightmarish demon, but suddenly she seems sincere, caring, gentle, loving what to do now? You kick her to the curb (mentally of course us NONs are always in danger from the ultimate liars and manipulators of arrests ourselves, stay clean, so no violence) but don't fall for her acting. pwBPD are great actors, so charming and convincing, they just give you love goosebumps don't they? Just kidding, maybe goosebumps of rage but just try to stay cool. If you do they will most likely make a move of poor form. Look at them to who they are now, not when they idealized you, those days are gone forever and that person doesn't live here anymore. pwBPD ALWAYS have alternative motives and she will use you for whatever she can.

Excuse me now I have to figure out how I am going to get money to my attorney and I need think of the best strategy to get her in contempt of court for lying as only a pwBPD can do!
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Turkish
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« Reply #1 on: September 15, 2017, 12:08:33 AM »

Excerpt
Is she being nice you may ask? Surely all the recovery tools she is using must have changed her ... .Right... .? NOT!

So she's not being nice,  or is this about her new motion to change the order?

What is being said about you not being a good parent?
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    “For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
david
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« Reply #2 on: September 15, 2017, 04:45:04 PM »

I live in Pennsylvania. You have to wait around two years to file a petition for change of circumstances in custody issues. It's only been 8 months so that seems too soon.
I always suspect my ex is up to something when she is "nice" to me.
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StayStrongNow
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« Reply #3 on: September 16, 2017, 08:58:36 PM »

What is being said about you not being a good parent?

She stated that my children bite their nails more, that I don't help them with their homework, their dental hygiene is lacking, they get to bed too late, I don't feed them well and their is more but it's basically the same and redundant. The

For beginners there are lots of reasons the kids bite their nails and they don't do it more. Let's start with the kids seeing their mother in handcuffs many times, once she couldn't even stand up, perhaps seeing their mother's mug shots, yes 3 on the internet is maybe one reason? They have been so traumatized any judge can see it's her that caused this. I bring stability and peace to their lives, I am also gently breaking their habits.

I help them with their homework, she never does. I have texts from her regarding the new communications common core math known as Euricka asking to me dumb questions. I completely understand it, the X has no clue. That claim like all the others will be squashed at the hearing.

With the x my son had a tooth pulled and a gold crown put on another, and many other small cavities growing. I just had one of those filled and have put more control of their teeth. I brush the 2 youngest teeth every night and the condition of their teeth have improved.

I greatly enjoy being with my children and on the weekend nights I watch movies on TV with them and after their PJs are on after brushing their teeth they watch until they fall asleep and I carry them to bed. School nights are different. Their grades have excelled much better since they have been with me going on 2 and a half years.

I am a very good cook, I feed them excellent balanced meals. Their health is excellent, we bike ride 15 miles when we go, they want to go more.

The X is really reaching on this petition and I don't understand the substantial changes in circumstances are but I am going to hit back hard and true. I have no mercy on this Cluster B snake in the grass. I will start with stating the fact that the Borderline witch is a violent person. She hit my son at the time 6 years old "all over" as he put it. I will refresh the judge's memory of her violent past by showing him the open wound extremely close to my Adams Apple cause by her punch with the wedding ring she had on that landed her in jail, one of many.  Closer to my windpipe and I would have been dead.

I summary the petty stuff won't hold up in court and I will be going after her in full fury. I have no feelings for her now, she is just a bitter enemy who has showed me that she wants to destroy me. Now I have the fortitude to get the justice the kids and I deserve. She will lose and lose big. I don't care what I do to her whatsoever. This is war!
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david
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« Reply #4 on: September 17, 2017, 07:01:26 PM »

Hope you are documenting it. Keep a journal with dates and what you are doing. Having an ongoing paper trail helps a lot. It doesn't have to be detailed but needs facts. Jan 1 - homework completed, had chicken,rice, carrots for dinner, brushed teeth before bed, etc.
I actually filed years ago for a change in circumstances. My petition claimed that ex was not helping with our boys homework. Ex, through her attorney, dragged it out for close to three years before we got inside a courtroom.
During that time I signed and dated every homework. Ex saw what I was doing and started signing homework when with her. I made copies of every single one. The pile was at least 6 inches tall but probably closer to 8 or 9. I made a top sheet with the total number of homework and divided it by where the homework was done. The boys did over 95 % of all homework when with me. Our youngest was in second grade when this started. Homework done at his mom's was usually incomplete or outright incorrect. I made him do all corrections and completes when with me to try to get him to do it at his moms.
I actually had one homework in which the majority was incorrect. Our son refused to do it over because he had a separate sheet with all the correct work. He claimed mom made him change the answers to what was on the homework paper. I could see it was erased and could see some of the answers and they were correct.
This went on for close to three years and she never changed her behavior. My attorney put the pile on the judges bench. He looked at it and saw the top sheet. He asked ex if the top sheet was correct. She agreed so that was the only piece of evidence entered. Saved a lot of time since we would have to go over each paper. If she disagreed she would have ticked the judge off.
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StayStrongNow
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« Reply #5 on: September 18, 2017, 05:48:25 PM »

David your efforts to document your evidence is commendable and I would add heroic to me. I would like to be able to have the time and resources to document everything regarding homework like you do. The alligations  the x has thrown at me involves my eldest daughter. My D11 actually prefers to do her math on her own, she is in the top math class known as REACH for her grade. In the pat I have taught her the approach to problem solving of math that starts with breaking down the problem and I gave her various logical systematic steps in solving it. Anyway, the court papers show I refused to help my D11 on August 10th of this year. First they weren't in school and my daughter would state that she would not have even asked.

What my x is doing is trying to do is rack up legal bills including requesting the court to appoint a GAL to increase the costs.  My attorney states the statements she made are all hearsay and will need a GAL to sort out everything. Basically he said she said. I imagine texts may come into play.

The bottom line is this pwBPD who now has a replacement who is protecting her from her abandonment issues is positioning herself to just keep on fighting me knowing I am up against the xBPDmil who is loaded with cash and married to a NPD who is loaded too who are financially backing her just like in the past. It's a David and Goliath type of scenario more than needing documentation.

Nevertheless, having documentation is essential in battling a pwBPD when they are effective liars and extremely skilled at manipulation of others.
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david
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« Reply #6 on: September 19, 2017, 08:32:33 PM »

It was not that difficult. I simply copied each homework after he finished. The few he did at his moms I copied when I saw him. He had no idea I was doing that since I usually did it when he went to bed. He also had a math workbook and I made sure he gave it to me at the end of each year so I had a lot of the originals. I figured ex might challenge my evidence as me doctoring things to make her look bad with the copies. This way, if she did that, my attorney could then produce the actual workbook.
My ex didn't challenge me on anything in court. The court ordered a custody eval prior to the hearing. The evaluator interviewed both boys separately. He then had a meeting with ex and I. He wanted to discuss the things he thought were concerning to him about what both boys said. I sat there, for the entire meeting, and listened to him ask ex to explain what the boys described.
An example, he asked what a typical day at dads was like. They described doing homework, me checking it, making dinner, going out and doing things (they mentioned specific things we did together), etc. When he asked what it was like at moms the story was more like our oldest making something for the both of them to eat (that was breakfast,lunch, and dinner), both boys doing things with each other or by themselves. The evaluator said that neither boy ever mentioned doing something that included their mom when they were with her. She was either sleeping or out shopping. I sat there amazed because that was exactly what they were saying to me. I always assumed they were trying to make me feel good by the things they were saying and they were exaggerating the stories. I realized then they were not exaggerating at all. That did make me feel bad for them but I have no power to change that and stay focused on what I can change and do.
Doing her math on her own is great. You can make copies and date them so you have a record that you were keeping track of what she is doing. The fact that you have shown her ways can also be written down and explained in court. I am sure if I did that my ex would stumble on the stand and not be able to say anything of substance.
IF she has someone paying her legal expenses you might be able to have her contribute to yours to make it even ground. I don't know if that is doable but an attorney should be able to help you with that. It may be a stretch with that but it is worth asking especially if you can produce income streams from both parents and have ex explain where she is getting all the money. That may be a boundary that will stop the flow of money since they would also have to pay, all or part, of your legal expenses.
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StayStrongNow
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« Reply #7 on: September 22, 2017, 05:29:34 AM »

Thank you again for your post David. Presently my case isn't going into a tangent about school homework. In the last 2 days the police were involved because the uxBPDw has refused to take the court ordered breathalyzer test before her parenting time with my children. pwBPD are so convincing she had convinced the police officer that taking the test immediately at commencement meant she could take the test anytime after she took the kids for her parenting time. My lawyer had tio get on the phone with him to explain and also my attorney talked to me costing me 45 minutes of legal time then plus my attorney calling her attorney and other follow ups that will cost me dearly. Believe me I wish this was only an issue about documenting homework.

I stated to the officer under his interpretation she can get the kids stoned drunk not take the test until 6:59pm when I pick up the kids and I can do nothing under his understanding of the court order. It was like talking to a brick wall. He stated he did not think a judge would agree to the court order. I am not kidding he did state this. I responded a judge did in fact agree to it, it is court stamped that he approved it. This goes to show a high functional Cluster B has the charm and convincing ability to turn the most black and white court order into a contestable one. Especially when you are dealing with a police officer who he himself is an easy mark for a pwBPD to manipulate a codependent perhaps? Savior type?

Anyway my nightmare with the Borderline Witch Siren Waif Queen and Hermit continues.

I kept the kids with me yesterday because the court order stated if she refused to take the test she forfeits her parenting time. The officers did not like it, the x didn't like it but I wasn't going to cave and start a new prescedent that she doesn't have to abide to the facts and spirit of the court order. Now let's see what happens on day three when she refuses to take it today.

Borderlines just seem to be bent on lying, killing and destroying. Sounds just like the devil to me.
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david
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« Reply #8 on: September 22, 2017, 02:09:12 PM »

My ex filed a petition to have me evicted from our house back in 2007. The judge denied it. The next day the police arrived, three cars, with ex. They told me I had 15 minutes to vacate the property. I explained that the judge did not sign the petition and it was not a court order. Ex convinced the police that a judges' signature was not required. I was literally  in the driveway calling my attorney. I explained the situation and handed my cell to one of the officers. The officer explained the situation to ex, as if she didn't know, and my ex simply replied that it was a misunderstanding.
I would make sure the police understand the order about the breathalyzer and do not deviate in any way,shape, or form from that. Each time she doesn't pass she doesn't get the kids. Get police reports for each one. That helps in court. Deviating, even a single time, tells the courts that you don't think it is that important.
Don't let anyone tell you that you have to put your kids in harms way or danger. Stand your ground firmly and civilly. Once the police "get you" they will follow. If they say you have to give the kids to a drunk you simply say no. The best thing that can happen at that point is they arrest you. They will never make that mistake again provided you follow through.
I have a pretty rock solid custody order that leaves no ambiguity. I follow it. I enforce it whenever ex tries to challenge it.
Example, I went to pick our youngest up once. Our order says that I have to call ex's cell and hang up when the voicemail kicks on. Children need to exit within 5 or 10 minutes after that. I waited the allotted time and nothing. I called again, waited the allotted time and nothing again. I then called 911 and explained what was going on. They told me they would send an officer and that I was to stay in my car. The police showed up shortly after that. The officer listened and then explained that he could do nothing since this was a civil matter and that I needed to contact my attorney. Another police car showed up. I then said that I was concerned for my ex and child's well being and requested that they do a wellness check. They are legally required to do so. If he refused I would have called 911 again and asked for a wellness check and also said that officer so and so said no. I stayed calm and focused the entire time. The two talked to each other away from me. I assume the one with the lower rank lost and had to go to the front door. As soon as his first foot touched the driveway, the front door opened and our son magically came out. He got in my car and we drove away. he asked why the police where there and I explained that I called mom twice and waited each time. I became concerned that something might have happened so I called the police to make sure him and mom were okay. That made sense to him and he accepted that as the answer. A little while later he said that he wasn't sure if I was right because mom kept looking out the window. My gut told me that was what was going on and he simply confirmed it. Those kinds of things don't bother me anymore because I have become used to it.
On the flip side, I received a call from the school nurse a few years back. Our older boy vomited in school and was in the nurses office. he was running a fever. I told the nurse that she should call his mom. The nurse said she called several times, left a message once, and didn't hear anything. She also stated that she tried for over 30  minutes before she called me. I said I would be there in 15 minutes. I arrived and signed him out. He had a fever, chills, and was nauseous. I figured it was viral. I took him home and he immediately went to bed. Once he was in bed I emailed ex to let her know what happened. A few hours later I received a reply demanding I bring him to her place because it was her custodial time. I replied with the same wording as the first email and added that he would be in bed until tomorrow when I would determine whether I was taking him to the doc or not. I also added that I would keep her informed of any changes. Ex is a nurse by the way. A few hours after that I received a call from the police. Yes you heard that right. The officer wanted to know what was going on. I explained everything that transpired. He understood and asked me to reach out to ex so I sent another email telling her what just happened. I repeated everything about our son in the email too. Ex sent an email to her attorney saying I was in violation of the custody order and wanted to know what steps she needed to take to go back to court. She cc'd it to me. I assumed it was her way of trying to intimidate me. I saved and ignored that email. Never heard anything else about it after that. I honestly, at the time, hoped she took me to court over that. I would have asked the court for total decision making whenever either of our boys was ill. I would have asked for a few other things too and used her animosity to show the courts I am the better choice for our boys.
Courts like solutions from parents. If one has a reasonable solution and the other has nothing they will follow that. My ex has, several times, offered nothing except personal attacks against me.
My ex filed a protection order against me stating she felt threatened by my presence. I did nothing wrong but I did have an issue with seeing the boys school bags and work. I used to pick the boys up at her residence after school and she wouldn't let them take their school bags with them. In court, I had my attorney request that our order be changed and that I pick the boys up at school instead of her residence. This way I was no where near her so that would relieve her fear of me. The judge liked that and put it in the order. I had my attorney hand write it in court so it would be signed right then and there because I didn't think ex would agree later on. Sure enough, the first time I went to pick our boys up at school I was told no because the order said they needed the expressed consent from mom. Nowhere in any order did it ever say that. I handed a copy of the new addition to the woman at the desk. She said it was handwritten and that they needed a typed copy for them to follow it. i told them to fax it to their legal dept and I would wait. I also told them that if they wanted a typed copy they needed to give me $75.00 because that is how much the courts would charge. I walked out with both boys in under 15 minutes.
It took me a few years (three or four) before I got good at playing the game and anticipating ex's moves. She doesn't test me much anymore.
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StayStrongNow
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« Reply #9 on: September 23, 2017, 03:51:59 PM »

David your experiences are different to the particulars and specifics but the same in substance of what occurred to me. Perhaps my uxBPDw had more arrests and guilty pleas than your x, like 4 in fact all alcohol / drug related. Also she may have had more indications documented from the Dept. of Child and Family Services resulting in 2 safety plans. It should have been 3 indications but that first time when she got drunk and slit her other wrist was still at the time I did not know much about BPD at all. I protected her in that incident that later came back to bite me later.

David I can relate to all the evidence you need to accumulate to defend ourselves but no matter what is documented the police, lawyers, judges, GALs, new found sympathizers of the X's disregard facts and run to comfort the poor little Cluster B x and defend her with all the trumped up allegations and outright lies she proclaims in the typical BPD fashion.

I get it, we need to protect ourselves from these sick pathological liars. She did FaceTime me yesterday with her breathalyzer test like she was ordered to do and yes, of course, I video taped it. I want to start bringing into court the times she flips me the finger and swears at me during these sessions. A person in true recovery would not act like she is acting.

So the point of this post is that I will not trust a pwBPD. In the future I will continue to gather proof as a defense against the X's lies that will definitely continue. Also I will never hold out for any hope of change, once a BPD always a BPD. She has now gone to a half a dozen in patient and outpatient clinics that clearly hasn't help. She will always be a pwBPD for as long as she lives. I will just refer to what I have learned here at this site, other sites, T's and other people who have and continue to give me great understanding of this disgusting, horrible mental disease. I now know her playbook.  I am not surprised by any of her moves, she has become very predictable.

I am so incredibly happy I am past the point of missing any part of my past rs with my x. It was always destined to fail. I visit the other sites where the NONs are fresh into the devaluation, discard and or replacement stages and have incredible sympathy for all of these NONs. I hope that my posts help them realize that there is hope for them to start enjoying their life again.
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