I feel so tired from how my daughter treats me and our family.

[babymomof5]

My daughter has had BPD symptoms for years, but they were only recognized by a therapist and psychologist recently.  It's only been since May.  I am not getting direction of help from her therapist.  I am looking for recommendations for books, for how to cope.  How to help my kids deal with the mean things she says and does.  How to help my husband to not lash out at her and make her worse.  I feel like I can do nothing for her so I forget to try.  It's survival.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Bethel]

Welcome to the site!
The book that has helped me the most is STOP WALKING ON EGGSHELLS, by Mason and Kreger.  Also there are some excellent resources on this website.  I'd encourage you to dig in and discover them.  Understanding how BPDs need their emotions validated helped me the most in dealing with my 22 year old daughter (as well as understanding the concept of splitting) . . .
I'd also be sure to watch "Back from the Edge" which is on this site but you can also find it directly on YouTube.  I watched it and cried with relief that some of what we have endured have an explanation . . . and then my husband and I watched it together so that we could talk through better ways to talk with our daughter.  I also go to a NAMI support group and have found that very helpful.

I hope some of this helps.  I just want to cheer you on your journey.  Educating yourself so that you can cope better and find a healthier perspective than just spinning in their pain and emotional chaos is one of the best approaches that you can take.