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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Ex wife is coparenting  (Read 427 times)
bus boy
******
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 908


« on: September 21, 2017, 10:58:19 AM »

Hi everyone, I've been off line for some time. I've kept my self very busy this summer.
  Many times I've posted of the horridness of coparenting with xw, especially since she met her BF a few years ago. Before she met BF we did communicate but she was consistently 100% disagreeable and horrible to deal with, when she met BF she got worse, she discarded me with venomous hatred but now within the past couple of weeks she's been calling, communicating, being pleasant, even offered to drop s11 off for my access because she was close by to where he was at, Xw is talking to me about s11's sports, bday parties, exchanging food ideas. Never any pleasant exchanges between us about each other but I could give a fiddlers rats ass about xw, it's just to pleasant to fast, we are communicating about our child like normal parents and it kind of has me pissed off, I even asked for an extra access and she said yes, that's huge for her. She is still a sneaky slink, she took her vacation in a manner that I only has 2 access visits in 26 days, her BF still follows me. Her niceness has me uneasy and resentful, the past few weeks since she started talking human to me has me so mixed up and irritable inside, I'm not sleeping, I just don't know what in the name f**k is going on.
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MarvinTheRobot

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 20


« Reply #1 on: September 21, 2017, 12:53:58 PM »

 I've noticed the same thing. I think it is a recycle attempt.
Mine does the same thing when she break up with someone and is alone, but when she find a new one, she goes cold again.
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ForeverDad
Retired Staff
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: separated 2005 then divorced
Posts: 18112


You can't reason with the Voice of Unreason...


« Reply #2 on: September 21, 2017, 04:05:25 PM »

My first thought was... .So what changed in her life?  Or your life?  Or does she want something?  As in, "I was nice so now you have to do this for me or let me do this... ."
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bus boy
******
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 908


« Reply #3 on: September 22, 2017, 05:07:13 AM »

I don't know what changed. She text me "hi" a couple of times and I did not reply. It's all to strange. S11 had a sporting event to go to on my access day, it started at 6:00pm, my access started at 6:00pm, I asked if I could pick s11 up a bit early and she said no, your access starts at 6:00, she got her BF to take s11. I thought that was wrong, my son is not the BF's responsibility. Maybe by me not replying back to her "hi" gave her a sence of some kind of a loss of control over me. I'm better off not trying to dissect this and just keep moving forward.
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MarvinTheRobot

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 20


« Reply #4 on: September 23, 2017, 02:43:57 AM »

 Hey,

 Im in the same boat here. When mine wants something (money or attention). She starts being nice some days, even weeks before she tells me what she actually wants. It is part of their mind games, they are so used to control us over the years and it's a child game to control us now.
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bus boy
******
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 908


« Reply #5 on: September 24, 2017, 07:04:23 PM »

Hi, that's the conclusion I came to, it's all about feeling in control
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