Tired that accused

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Anyone can relate of being so tired that accused of being on drugs... Seriously... I was soo exhausted that my mind was not functioning properly and trying to form an answer to a simple question for BPD spouse... no validation here.  It was, I confused myself, I have no idea what I'm saying...
Did you get soda?
Simple question, but I was half asleep and not understanding what was going on.  
What the hell is the matter with you?  Are you on drugs?  
(snap) No!  I'm tired!  
You have been making everything difficult today.  You're doing this just to f*** with me.
(grumble)  No I'm not!  
Get me something to drink since you like to lie about everything.
(fetches soda)
Besides the school incident and a few minutes ago, that's it!  
No, there was something else... I know there was, give me a minute and I'll think about it.  
UUGH!  (mumbles) whatever... (pulls blanket over head)
You just have to make everything difficult, you can never just answer a question.

>:|  Gah!  I was so tired I just wanted to throat punch him and tell him to shut the hell up... .
Not going to lie... didn't handle it well at all, but you know what, I'm allowed to be cranky and tired too.

[Frankee]

Anyone can relate of being so tired that accused of being on drugs... Seriously... I was soo exhausted that my mind was not functioning properly and trying to form an answer to a simple question for BPD spouse... no validation here.  It was, I confused myself, I have no idea what I'm saying...
Did you get soda?
Simple question, but I was half asleep and not understanding what was going on.  
What the hell is the matter with you?  Are you on drugs?  
(snap) No!  I'm tired!  
You have been making everything difficult today.  You're doing this just to f*** with me.
(grumble)  No I'm not!  
Get me something to drink since you like to lie about everything.
(fetches soda)
Besides the school incident and a few minutes ago, that's it!  
No, there was something else... I know there was, give me a minute and I'll think about it.  
UUGH!  (mumbles) whatever... (pulls blanket over head)
You just have to make everything difficult, you can never just answer a question.

>:|  Gah!  I was so tired I just wanted to throat punch him and tell him to shut the hell up... .
Not going to lie... didn't handle it well at all, but you know what, I'm allowed to be cranky and tired too.

[lostandconfused6]

Sounds like my morming... .I get a text i'm not coming over tonight have fun... .I said what did I do? I don't understand he says whatever don't make me suspicious... .I said what did I do to make you so mad? he says I'm not mad... .I said i'm really not understanding I would never do anything intentionally to make you suspicious tell me what it was so I don't do it again... .he says if I give you a chance i'll be looking for my pants (no clue what that means) I send him a pic of my monitor at work... .he said you didn't text me... .I said you were being short with me last night and my tummy was giving me problems so I took a Zofran and went to sleep I woke up at 715 and didn't text you because you sounded angry that you couldn't sleep when you texted me at 1 am so I didn't want to chance waking you up... //he said ok babe it's ok... ./.you didn't do anything wrong i'm being a baby i'm sorry I love you


I can't help but think What the heck... .he says it's no big deal when he falls asleep and doesn't text me... .I guess the tables turned and he didn't like it... .

[Notwendy]

Your H is taking victim perspective.  A wise MC taught us HALT : Hungry, Angry, Tired, Lonely.

When we are in HALT we are not emotionally available - we need self care- paying attention to us. We are not in a position emotionally or biologically to be caring emotionally for someone else. You are too tired to be emotionally available at the moment.

Your H may perceive your unavailability as "doing something to him". He needs something and you are not available. He is also in HALT but isn't able to manage his emotions.

He takes victim position. You forgot the sodas and there could be a lot of reasons- tired, didn't get to the store, child acted up at the store. His version takes victim position- you did this to him.

When you JADE- defend " I am not on drugs" you perpetuate the drama. Not that you have to admit you are on drugs to get to sleep- that is a lie.  One option is to say " Oh honey, I need to get some sleep- we can talk about this later".

My MC also counseled that if things escalate I should leave the bedroom and go sleep somewhere else.

Rinse and repeat:
You are doing this just to... .

" Oh honey, I need to get some sleep- we can talk about this later".

You lie about everything
" Oh honey, I need to get some sleep- we can talk about this later".

I also look at these statements as attempts to get into drama. The drama pattern is familiar and comforting, even if it is difficult. It gets your attention.

See them as that, and I hope you get some sleep.

[Frankee]

They really don't like when the tables are turned.  I actually stood up for myself.  I was aware that bills were due and I have been busy today, but I kept remembering that I needed to pay.  Well since it wasn't done by noon, he bugged out and screamed.  So I paid the bills to get it over with.  Said I don't appreciate being accused of lying when I was aware they were due today, that how he wants me to take care of the bills but doesn't believe me when I say I'm going to pay them, that if he wants me responsible for the bills he needs to relax and know they are going to get done, that yelling and screaming doesn't help.  He said that if I didn't always f*** up, he wouldn't worry.  So I said yes I know, I can't change before, but I can change how I deal with the bills now and I haven't had any problems, and just asked him to have a little confidence in me that I will do right and he'll be surprised by showing me that, I can handle anything.

Thought I was up and that one.  BBZZ... wrong!  Now I'm all high and mighty, how I lied and wasn't going to pay them, and it was only after he made a big deal about it then I paid and I could have done it this morning (had a really bad morning, was up with a cranky baby), told him that so he said I was using the baby as an excuse and I replied, that's why I didn't say anything because you would say it was an excuse... he replied, and you can't keep doing that.  I haven't been well and I didn't make time to do it.  Oh and how next time I f** up the bills, he's going to remember everything I said (basically so he can throw it in my face), and when I said what he did was completely unnecessary, he said yes it was. 

It's like, as soon as I show self confidence in what I'm doing and don't just curl up in a ball when he yells, I'm high and mighty and pompous blah blah.  UUggh!

[Notwendy]

Think about pink elephants when he accuses you and try not to react with emotion.

Standing up for yourself is a good thing but it is a fine line to stay off the drama triangle.

Think about what if he called you a pink elephant? Would you need to defend that? Just because he says something about you, does that make it true? If he called you a pink elephant, does it mean you are one?

This visualization helped me to not be emotionally reactive and feed the drama- while still holding on to myself and my self image.

You are human. You said you would do something and you forgot. A simple, Honey, I know I said I would do this and I forgot is enough, then disengage from the drama.

Standing up for yourself is internal. He can say what he wants. Standing up for yourself is not believing what isn't true and not getting involved in the drama triangle. It isn't being a doormat. If you made a mistake, then acknowledge it- that's all. If you didn't then you didn't.

[lostandconfused6]

They really don't like when the tables are turned.  I actually stood up for myself.  I was aware that bills were due and I have been busy today, but I kept remembering that I needed to pay.  Well since it wasn't done by noon, he bugged out and screamed.  So I paid the bills to get it over with.  Said I don't appreciate being accused of lying when I was aware they were due today, that how he wants me to take care of the bills but doesn't believe me when I say I'm going to pay them, that if he wants me responsible for the bills he needs to relax and know they are going to get done, that yelling and screaming doesn't help.  He said that if I didn't always f*** up, he wouldn't worry.  So I said yes I know, I can't change before, but I can change how I deal with the bills now and I haven't had any problems, and just asked him to have a little confidence in me that I will do right and he'll be surprised by showing me that, I can handle anything.

Thought I was up and that one.  BBZZ... wrong!  Now I'm all high and mighty, how I lied and wasn't going to pay them, and it was only after he made a big deal about it then I paid and I could have done it this morning (had a really bad morning, was up with a cranky baby), told him that so he said I was using the baby as an excuse and I replied, that's why I didn't say anything because you would say it was an excuse... he replied, and you can't keep doing that.  I haven't been well and I didn't make time to do it.  Oh and how next time I f** up the bills, he's going to remember everything I said (basically so he can throw it in my face), and when I said what he did was completely unnecessary, he said yes it was. 

It's like, as soon as I show self confidence in what I'm doing and don't just curl up in a ball when he yells, I'm high and mighty and pompous blah blah.  UUggh!

My BPDbf always has this go to of "i'm so sick of this and sick of you" we can go weeks without a fight and have nothing but good times but as soon as that moment arises that he doesn't want to talk about something I am the worst human to ever live... .I'm usually very good at predicting when he is about to snap but the last few days he's really caught me off guard... .

[Frankee]

Standing up for yourself is a good thing but it is a fine line to stay off the drama triangle.

Think about what if he called you a pink elephant? Would you need to defend that? Just because he says something about you, does that make it true? If he called you a pink elephant, does it mean you are one?

This visualization helped me to not be emotionally reactive and feed the drama- while still holding on to myself and my self image.

You are human. You said you would do something and you forgot. A simple, Honey, I know I said I would do this and I forgot is enough, then disengage from the drama.

Standing up for yourself is internal. He can say what he wants. Standing up for yourself is not believing what isn't true and not getting involved in the drama triangle. It isn't being a doormat. If you made a mistake, then acknowledge it- that's all. If you didn't then you didn't.

I like that.  Think I'll try that next time he accuses me of not doing something on purpose and I really did forget or get busy and was going to do it later.  He probably will have a negative reaction and say I always forget and I always say I'll do something and I never do it.  Most of the time the way I play thing out in my head is usually the response I get.  Think it makes him mad when I say, I didn't say such as and such because I know you would say... Either because he knows I'm right or he doesn't want to think he's predictable.

And the pink elephant.  He's knows me well enough to say the right things to poke me into a reaction.  Sometimes it bugs the crap out of me and I can't help but respond or sometimes I'm able to brush it off and just do the whole validation thing.  Trying hard to work more on the latter.  I tried really hard to show that I was being confident in my actions without doing the JADE, but I may have slipped a couple times onto the drama triangle.  Think I recovered okay though.

Something that was said about "doing something to him".  I know my SO feels empathy, but not as much as someone that can maintain personal emotions.  He seems to have a hard time putting himself in others shoes unless it is a child or someone that went through the same things as him.  

He is bad about taking on the "victim role" when I'm tired or cranky or hungry or not feeling well and he picks up on my mood change, he takes it personally like I'm intentionally trying to upset him or that I must be mad at him.  Even times when I'm flighty or scattered brain.  I have to gently remind him that it is nothing against him, I'm not mad or frustrated with him, that it's not about him.  :)on't think he likes it when I basically say that my mood doesn't revolve around him, but he needs that reality check that it really isn't about him all the time.

[Frankee]

My BPDbf always has this go to of "i'm so sick of this and sick of you" we can go weeks without a fight and have nothing but good times but as soon as that moment arises that he doesn't want to talk about something I am the worst human to ever live... .I'm usually very good at predicting when he is about to snap but the last few days he's really caught me off guard... .

Know the feeling.  I feel that when he gets the idea that he's becoming too predictable, he wants to change it up.  Last few days, he'll yell at me for some stupid crap in the morning and then talk to me later like a normal person, discussing bills, how much is in the bank, what is coming up that we need to take care of.  I mean, accusing me of making the car illegal and trying to get him thrown in jail because insurance wasn't paid by noon.  If I tell him that we have a 7 day window to pay it, that has no bearing and just throws into a tangent on how I'm always putting stuff off.

I get frustrated because I know I'm not practicing the validation the repeat and rinse, detaching, or not responding emotionally.  It gets so tiresome to have to keep remembering to do all of it.  I know it's a pipe dream, just wish sometimes I could act normal around him.  I would like to send him goofy texts messages and laugh more.  It's only another thing that I need to work on.  Been awhile since I had a good laugh with him.

[Notwendy]

This is the result of thinking in Victim mode. The accusations can be pretty wild- but if you think about them- they are not true and him saying them does not make them true.

We can not change how someone else thinks and some of this is twisted thinking. We didn't design them to think this way and we can't undo it.

Our part isn't to focus on what they should do to change. We chose them- and are likely doing something to perpetuate this drama. The non has to look in the mirror and say- what is it about me that I am in this? There is something that contributed to this match. Leaving the relationship is one option- but it is said that without this kind of work, people tend to choose relationships that lead to similar issues. This section of the board is not about looking at a singular option. People can have a history of repeated dysfunction in different relationships- this is because part of this relationship with a BPD partner involves us too. We can't change another person- we can examine ourselves.

Why do we tend to react to their accusations? It is because they trigger us in some way, get to a place where we feel vulnerable. What if we saw this as an opportunity- not something bad- to look at something in ourselves that we can change?

My H and my mother are very different people. Nobody would make a connection between them. Yet somehow they both can have a similar emotional affect on me. Why? I had to look at the dysfunction from my own childhood and my own co-dependent traits to figure this out. Once I did, I was less reactive to the emotionally triggering things they each said to me. Talk about a BOGO deal! Looking at my own stuff helped me with two relationships.

[Notwendy]

Not that I don't stand up for myself- I do. What is different is that the verbal barbs don't work any more. They still fly, but I don't get upset.

Today I asked him to help with something as we are having company. He took victim stance- as if my asking him to do something was a blame or criticism. I can't change this, but I don't like it. I told him basically it is we inviting our guests together as a couple and getting ready together or just me and my guests- you decide.

Well next came the verbal barbs and I said - what good is this doing for us and we can do this back and forth all afternoon and not resolve anything. He then said " you don't care about me" when I didn't react with being hurt.  Yes, I care about him, but I don't take what he says to me when he is angry personally. I then went to run an errand. He was nice when I came home. This kind of thing would have gone on all evening, with the ST and me crying and feeling hurt before I decided that what he accuses me of isn't something to take personally. If I have truly done something hurtful, I can apologize.

Someone has to not lose their cool in this. The pwBPD may not be able to, but if we can, we can be "ourselves" show dislike, or like or joke or anything else if we don't react emotionally to the content of the verbal barbs.

[Frankee]

I appreciate all the feed back.  Pretty pleased with my SO.  10:30 at night and he actually volunteered to do grocery shopping duties.  We've been together a few years,  but honestly,  I'm new to this whole actual learning about the disorder.   Always knew something was off and I researched trying to understand,  but it wasn't until I found the forum that I really got a grasp of the reality of his condition. Not trying to sound like that's all he is.

I sometimes wonder,  why me?  Not really in a bad way.  I just look back at the kind of person I was when we met.  I didn't have co-dependancy traits,  wasn't falling all over him,  actually kept contact minimal at first, even only saw him once a week and even told him up front that I was not wanting a relationship because I just got out of a really bad one.  I didn't judge his lifestyle, I wasn't clingy,  I didn't stick my nose in his business.   We were just having fun and messing around.  Somewhere in all of it, grew the deeper connection...   Or whatever twisted version of a connection. 

I don't know if anyone believes in signs but he's an Aries...   Enough said huh.  I'm a Gemini.  I do believe in such because observing both our behaviors I see the traits.   I can adapt very easily, I like time to myself,  I don't mind doing things by myself, my SO is intelligent, strong, appeases my wild side. I like to talk and I know that's why I have a need to be descriptive and explain more than necessary.  When I get in a certain way,  I can speak in a way that I didn't know I could. Even says that Gemini can talk a lot about nothing in particular and Aries can lose their temper and think of us as superficial and even stupid.   Which he has called me both. And I'm not emotional by nature.

So as you can see... I could write an essay on  my thoughts and feelings. I can even switch topics with a snap of the finger. My mind bounces around in thought a lot. Another reason I make him mad.  Things that make sense in my head,  can have a tendency to come out like garbled nonsense. Even the compatibility says the fact that Aries values a person’s ability to be clear and concise, and Gemini’s need to talk around everything, it seems pretty obvious that this is not a perfect match.  So not only do we have BPD issues,  but clash in an astronomical sense. Not to mention when I made him mad doe making things difficult... .My sign has a tendency to make simple things more complex always look at a situation from dual perspectives. As well as having a bad quality of not expressing myself emotionally.

Totally went off subject. Guess I was just trying to point out my nature and how I'm trying to change to make this work. 

[Notwendy]

I don't do much with astrology, but I do think we have our own tendencies and natures. I don't think that is the part of us that we need to change. In fact- our goal is to be more authentic- who we are, not hide parts of ourselves ( which is walking on eggshells).

So what do we work on? Any dysfunctional relationship behaviors, emotional maturity, our triggers and emotional reactivity. The tools on this board are not about changing our nature, but learning communication skills that not only help in a relationship with someone with BPD but with all relationships.

Sometimes if we grow up a certain way, we accept those behaviors as normal. Then in other relationships they don't work.

I read lots of books on marriage trying to figure my own marriage out. I read a book called "Passionate Marriage" and two statements stood out to me. For emotional maturity/not being enmeshed they used the term ":)ifferentiated". Although the topic of the book and content are as it sounds- steamy - it is really about relationship skills in intimate relationships.

1) We match partners who are at the same level of differentiation as we are.
2) Each of the partners believes that he/she is more differentiated than the other.

These statements started me thinking how do my H and I match?

This tendency to match isn't a conscious thing- it is at an emotional level. You felt this match or connection with your H. It is part of the chemistry between two people. So you have this chemistry- and you also have dysfunction. You may not be able to completely change all the patterns, but if you work on some of your relationship skills you can reduce your addition to the drama and conflict.

Boundaries play a part in relationships, but one can have too weak or too strong boundaries or both at the same time. Someone doesn't have to be clingy to need improvement with boundaries. One clue to your situation is that you had just come out of a bad relationship- if we get into a new one quickly - without having time to process- then we can find ourselves in another dysfunctional one.

Looking at how you got here isn't to place blame, or to say you did something wrong. We love who we love, but when faced with dysfunction- if we can see our part in this, it is then a way we can possibly work on ourselves to grow emotionally.

Talking. That is something I had to work on. I am a talker and my H is not.  It drives him crazy. My aim was not to change who I was, but to consider how to communicate more effectively with him, and that meant learning to be concise.

You don't have to make changes all at once. It takes time and work. Personal counseling can help too if you are considering that. But changes that reduce your side of things can help reduce conflict.

[Cat Familiar]

My sign has a tendency to make simple things more complex always look at a situation from dual perspectives. As well as having a bad quality of not expressing myself emotionally.


I also tend to look at things from a variety of perspectives--it helps me be more compassionate towards others. However my BPD husband sees things in black and white, right and wrong--either on his side or against him.

I find this really odd for someone who trained as a lawyer. It seems there are so many shades of gray about situations, about people. But with BPD it seems that "being right" is so much more important than seeing things from other people's perspectives.

One of the quickest ways for me to get into an argument with him is to start a sentence with: "Have you thought about how this might seem to (someone else)... .?" Then immediately, I've become the enemy--I'm on someone else's "side".

It's maddening, mind boggling, how someone so intelligent can be so close-minded but that's the reality I'm dealing with.

On the other topic, I don't see anything wrong with being unemotional. I'm way more analytical than emotional and it serves me well in dealing with an emotional BPDh. No point in both of us going off the rails at the same time.

When I first got together with my husband, he told me about having to go into hiding when he was in law school because he was being stalked by a female classmate he had dated. She had tried to stab him once and later attempted to run him over with her car. Another classmate saw that and rescued him.

Years later after starting their careers, he ran into her and she told him that she was diagnosed as bipolar and was now on meds and had a successful career as a family law attorney.

When he told me about her, I assumed that the crazy was all on her side; I had yet to observe his BPD. But now that I know the illogic and crazy that comes out of his mouth when he dysregulates, I can understand how that would set off someone whose mental health is fragile.

I guess it's a good thing that a lot of us here on these boards use our logic more than our emotions.

[Frankee]

I also tend to look at things from a variety of perspectives--it helps me be more compassionate towards others. However my BPD husband sees things in black and white, right and wrong--either on his side or against him.

I find this really odd for someone who trained as a lawyer. It seems there are so many shades of gray about situations, about people. But with BPD it seems that "being right" is so much more important than seeing things from other people's perspectives.

One of the quickest ways for me to get into an argument with him is to start a sentence with: "Have you thought about how this might seem to (someone else)... .?"

On the other topic, I don't see anything wrong with being unemotional. I'm way more analytical than emotional and it serves me well in dealing with an emotional BPDh. No point in both of us going off the rails at the same time.

I can definitely relate.  It's ironic too, my husband has also studied law and is a paralegal.  He got into it because he wanted to make a difference.  Little disheartening he isn't currently in the law field.  That's how he is though.  Straight forward, yes or no, to the point, did or didn't, one way or the other.  I also try to get him to see other perspectives at times which has proven to just make him upset mostly and think I'm trying to devalue his ideas.  It REALLY makes him mad when I deviate even the slightest for his plan or instruction.  It may not even big that big of a deal honestly or may make things easier/cheaper... however, it's either I did do or I didn't do what he said.  No, in between or "oh I see how that may work better".  Nope, if I try that, he accuses me of thinking his plans aren't any good.

The whole unemotional and analytical is right up my alley as well.  There are times where I feel I can almost turn off my emotions. I know that's not accurate, they are always there.  I just have to ability to get straight to business when I need to.  Even dealing with him.  He gets upset when he doesn't get a reaction out of me when he expects it.  Almost as if I adds fuel to his tangent, trying to receive some sort emotional response.  I usually have to be pushed pretty hard to express any kind of negative emotional response, which he seems to be pretty good at.  I find that's a thing I'm struggling with.  I'm pretty laid back , easy going person, but you keep messing with me, there's only so much I will put up with. 

There are times where my oldest is throwing a fit, stomping around, saying he's angry, what I said/did makes him mad, and I'll just sit there and watch him.  Thinking of what response I'm going to give.  I know being able to express, understand, and process emotions is important at his age.  I'm not going to get mad at him for expressing an emotion.  Anger, even though negative, is something that he needs to learn how to process in a healthy way.  My husband didn't have any guidance with this process growing up.  I tell him that it is okay to be mad, angry, or sad.  What is not okay is dealing with it in a bad way.  I tell him he doesn't need to yell, hurt himself or anyone else, throw/break things, don't say mean things, and other ways.  To get angry because he's angry or tell him not to get upset, don't seem to be very good way to teach him how to cope.

I will try to be more authentic and not change who I am, but work more on my communication.  I guess I need to remember there is a difference is changing who I am and changing how I communicate and respond in my relationship.  It does sometimes feel like he's asking me to stop doing certain things about me that I can't seem to completely stop doing.  I try, but slip.  I over explain sometimes when I know I don't need too, I like to talk about sometimes nonsense things, I observe things from different perspectives and always looking for a more efficient way to do things.  It helps me in certain areas of my life, but not when it comes to my relationship.  I will try better to filter what works with communicating with him and what works better in the other aspects of my life.

[Frankee]

Think about what if he called you a pink elephant? Would you need to defend that? Just because he says something about you, does that make it true? If he called you a pink elephant, does it mean you are one?

This visualization helped me to not be emotionally reactive and feed the drama- while still holding on to myself and my self image.

Two days ago... I found myself screaming this in my head.  Pink elephant pink elephant! Lol.  He got angry.  He got angry when he was about to walk out of the house, the youngest ran to the door, he said for someone to come get this baby.  His brother was sitting right next to the baby and before I got up, he stood up.  I'm thinking he's going to pick him up and then just stands there.  Not picking up the toddler, not getting out of my way so I can pick him up... what the heck!  Then I get screamed at because I'm just sitting there.  He leaves, comes back, starts to say something and I was pointed out his brother was just standing there, not picking him up, not moving out of my way.  Then my SO yells that his brother didn't push that baby out, it's not his responsibility, he's here to make my life easier, he does everything, makes dinner, cleans, watches the kids.  I felt steam come out of my ears.  I snapped back that he doesn't clean, I do the cleaning, pick up after the kids, bath time and bed time, wash dishes, help with the homework and I have been helping make dinner.  After his brother got all butt-hurt one night because he was hungry and acting like a punk, my husband got upset with me because dinner wasn't ready. I almost told him to go marry his brother if he thinks he does more around the house than me.  He watches the kids when I'm at work and that's it!  I come home from work and still have to do everything else and make sure bills are paid, make grocery lists, plan dinners, feed the kids, feed the dogs and on my days off, he does like a few hours of yard work around the neighbors to make extra cash. 

Then he saw his shelf was loose, he flipped out screaming he had just fixed and wanted to know why it was loose.  I simply stated, our youngest pushed the chair to the wall, climbed up on the chair, grabbed the shelf and wiggled it before I was able to get him down.  Now before anyone starts carrying on about how I need to watch my kids better, try doing house chores, make dinner, wash dishes, help the oldest with homework while a 18 month old is running around the house screaming (happy screaming), chasing the dogs, poking his brother through the chair, making his brother scream and start running around and occasionally want to be picked up.  If my SO had to be in the same vicinity as all that, he would of had a meltdown from the chaos.

Back on topic.  So we were going to the next town to look at houses and the neighborhoods.  He's screaming at me for about 20 minutes.  Calling us garbage people, white trash, how we break everything he owns, what's the point in buying a house when he can just stake a claim in a cave since we ruin everything, what's the point in having nice things.  The whole time, I'm listening carefully.  Not letting it hurt me, but paying attention to what he was trying to get out of this rant.  I kept screaming in my head, pink elephant!  Just because he says it, doesn't make it true.  He burned off his rant and was back to normal pretty much after that.