Could it still be BPD?

[D20Something]

As I read other people's stories here I find myself asking this question. I won't go through our whole story but some of what I have read seems to come right from our family experiences and others don't fit as well. I know BPD has manu components. Our daughter's issues seem to be so centered on her extreme personal sensitivity and unstable relationships.

There is almost nothing we can do right by her. Even the things where you could find a small element of truth to what she is saying, leads her to believe life altering horrible things about her whole family. Last year we took the whole family to see her abroad while she was doing some traveling we were supporting. One day for lunch, she felt we didn't consult her for her choice of meals, she stopped talking to us and walked away from us for the day. She said it should how little we cared for her. This type of thing happens over and over. Everything we do shows a lack of caring about her. When she was home she would goes days or weeks without talking to us over something that seemed so trivial. She said her siblings made faces when talking to her and would stop speaking to them. We all tried to extra hard to avoid conflict but never could.

She told us very little about school but she seemed to have similar issues with roommates. Every year she stopped speaking to them for some reason. One year she barely left her room in order to avoid them. All we heard was what horrible, selfish people they were. I suspected she did the same thing to them and, unlike her family, they just walked away from her.

The other signs seem softer. She seems to be a bit lost in her career interests and has always had a very difficult time making big decisions. We used to think she was lying when she would make comments about us then swear she never did. Now I wonder if those were part of a dissociative process. I am fairly certain she has never been significantly involved in drugs, unsafe or very casual sex or suicide although she has made mention of it a few times when she gets very angry at us.

So we are left with mainly the emotional and anger aspects as being the most visible. From a practical aspect I don't know how much it matters but I am curious if this fits for other people too?

The family relationship issue is really hard. I am trying to realize this is how she is built but her siblings are pretty happy with the peace we have now while she is away and not speaking to them and only barely to me. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[MomMae]

Hi D20Something,
 
Whether your daughter officially has BPD or not, I think that you may find many of the tools on the right hand side of this page helpful in your interactions with her, as well as your reactions.

Just as no two people in this world are the same, no two individuals with BPD will present with the same traits.  From your posts of some of your daughter's behaviours, as well as what you describe as her innate sensitive nature, she definitely seems to have a tendency toward some BPD traits.  Personally, I have found the tools on this site very useful in helping me take a highly dysfunctional low contact relationship with my daughter just a few months ago, to one where, lately, I have actually been enjoying her company on a limited basis. 

You will find the other parents on this board to be highly compassionate people who understand where you are coming from and how you are feeling.  You are not alone.

MomMae