Dealing with BPD family all my life?

[Maxmerrin]

Greetings, delighted to meet you.

First, my childhood was marked by my mother's impossible-to-navigate behaviors. Now, at about 40, I'm married to a woman with BPD traits too. We've been together more than 10 years. This was an issue to begin with, but watching my mother made me skilled and resistant. My SO's problems have grown to top my mom's challenges to the point where I'm simply Exhausted in every way.

I am sad to report that I have lost a functional relationship with her. Her aggressive reactions to gentle questions make it impossible to navigate life. She has not worked full time in
... ever maybe?, has been fired several times, and just got kicked out of her yoga studio for being disruptive and making first time clients run for the door--her money's no good there; people "don't feel safe" around her. I understand that, for sure.

I have a deadbolt on my home office. I just bought an air mattress to go with it. I am excited that I have a viable way to escape (and rest a little before work) the next time she shouts and slams every door in the middle of the night.

Getting my bearings after a recent episode and coming to grips with life as I now know it. I can't imagine that I can help her anymore, nor can I survive going forward the same way. Relieved to be here. Hello.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[once removed]

hi Maxmerrin and

can you give us a picture of the main sources conflict in your marriage? i know you mentioned she has aggressive reactions to gentle questions, can you elaborate?

what led to the deadbolt on your home office?

[Meili]

I would like to join once removed in welcoming you.

I'm sorry for what you're going through but glad you have found a community where many of us have been through similar experiences, and we can learn from each other. Mostly we are here because someone in our lives has behaviors that are characteristic of BPD.  They haven't all been diagnosed with BPD, but it's the behaviors, and how we deal with them, that are important.

Keep posting and let us know more about your situation when you are comfortable.

There are communication skills that will minimize the behaviour of someone with BPD and these have proven successful for some of the members here.

Keep posting - it is very therapeutic, and you will be greeted by so many people with circumstanced similar to your own. You will be amazed. Take care of yourself.