Will I learn how to respond?

[hereforthefood]

I work from home.  I meet clients 2-3 days per week, but my office is in the house.  I need to work so I can pay the bills.  She is supposed to watch our child so I can do that.  I'm lucky if I can get in five hours per day lately because she usually doesn't do that until around 10am, lets him loose so he keeps coming back to play with me and she doesn't talk to me to coordinate.  Anyway, she had to leave to take her daughter to a class and woke up our child from a nap on her.  She said, with the intent of me hearing it, "Your dad only wants you when he doesn't have anything to do.  Not when he can be of use."  I can't describe the feelings when I heard that BS.  If I could not have to worry about paying for the roof over her head, the TV and internet she watches and uses all day while supposedly homeschooling, I would GLADLY have my son during these times.  I have a BPD counselor I'll start working with next week.  Will I learn how to be able to handle another dagger like that?  I'm still just sick to my stomach with what she said.  And now I'm typing this message instead of working.  Ugh.  Every single day she is able to haunt me with her words, looks and actions.  And she now resorts to using my child as a pawn to get me riled up.  I need help.  And I need her out of my life.  I just want my child handed to me on her way out the door.

[soundofmusicgirl]

Aside from the BPD issues, working from home if you have children at home all day is a really hard thing to do. Is there a chance you can relocate your "office" to a friends house or rent a cheap little room as your office?

Or is there a chance for your child to return to school? It is very difficult for a BPD spouse to homeschool a child. And some BPDs like to isolate the children so that they are completely dependant on them (fear of abandonment).
So depending on the reasons you chose for homeschooling your child might be better off in a public or private school.

[hereforthefood]

Thank you for the reply.  The house is large enough (especially now that she kicked out her son to live with his father) for me to have my own office.  I can't afford the other office option at this point.  She put together the home school curriculum for her older two kids, but I don't see her do much else these days with regards to school.  One major issue her parents and I have with her is that she still hasn't produced a transcript for her son in a year and a half.  That means she's been able to repeatedly threaten him with enrolling in public school and having to start him back at the year without a transcript.  Another option he was given by her was to go get his GED, when he has the ability and intelligence to do much better.  

[david]

How old is your son ? If he is not being home schooled correctly get him in a school. If you go to court she has to show what she is doing with him for his education. Focus on what is best for him.
You might be able to enroll him by yourself and she will have to prove to the school and the court what she is doing. Might want to talk to a lawyer and/or the school to find the best way to handle it. You might even be able to get an "outsider" involved so mom can focus her anger towards them. If the school wants documentation and she can't produce it then they may start legal proceedings. Not sure how to play that game.
I found that letting ex do what she does usually backfires on her when consequences are involved. She has to deal with the consequences of her own actions. Helping bail her out only enables the same actions.
I would find out how your county handles these things and then make a plan.

[hereforthefood]

Thanks for the reply.  The older son is not my child.  I love him like my own, but his father seems to abide by her decisions.  Right now she has decided to let him live with his father and his grandparents.  He has to complete and email her his work for grading.  Supposedly, if he does she will somehow permit him to graduate early.  Regardless, I dread her other child having to go thru the same hoops.  I can't permit the young child she and I share to be raised this way.  The endless battles, threats and inconsistency regarding their education has been awful to watch.

[david]

My ex sent our oldest to me full time when he graduated high school. They never got along because he spoke his mind. Our youngest, 14, still is 50/50 between us. He takes the bus to her place and is on his own until around 9 pm. He makes his own dinners, does his homework if he feels like it ( I thought I had that solved and have to figure out a new plan), takes a shower, and is usually going to bed around the time she gets there.