Am I imagining problems? Confused

[disorderedsociety]

This isn't my first go-around in a relationship that had its red flags. Initially, I knew she was a bit impulsive, as we'd hooked up once 6 years prior and she had then been into bdsm, domination, things like that, always seemed a bit irresponsible. When we met up again there weren't so many red flags, as she'd been in a relationship for 2 years and her boyfriend at the time planned to end it when he went off to college, but they had arranged an open relationship. Well, ok, I said, as long as he knows you're seeing me. A year and a half later, we're together, but it's strained. With the ex, they are still friends from a distance, as he's in another relationship now. But for the past six months I've been doubting my feelings for her, wondering if she's a narcissist. About 2 years back a guy that had dated her 5-6 years back who I knew briefly, told me she was a narcissist. I could see that, as she would brag on herself from time to time back then. She didn't do that anymore, though. Honestly, the people I know that have met her says she seems like a sweet girl. But... .the thing is, I hardly trust her at all. There are times when I do, but in the back of my mind that image I had of her when she was younger and more impulsive traits how I see her now. I've even gotten to the point where I've told her I don't feel romantic love for her anymore, and she insists she feels it from me so it doesn't make sense (feels invalidating.) At this time, we're living together still, more like roommates, sleeping separately. The stress of analyzing "should I stay or go" has made me feel awful and it comes out at work as me being standoffish toward my coworkers, and we had to sit down and chat at work, and I told them I had something personal going on, I didn't mean to be that way, and they said alright. Well, today I've told her to go to stay at her dad's/move back in and I get this long-winded paragraph about how -she- doesn't want to lose -her- boyfriend, -her- home/place to stay and -her- cat as her dad is allergic, but this makes me feel like my needs don't matter, then I feel bad, like I'm sabotaging this relationship or something. Yet my closest friends say, man, you're too stressed about this, you need to end it. I just am so confused but I suspect she is NPD at least somewhat... .I guess it can also be anxiety around discovering I was at least somewhat bisexual around the age of 22, and I never explored it, so that's a factor.  I can name some more red flags and I will be back later to update

[disorderedsociety]

Anyway just to update, I definitely think she and I both have things to work on, as like attracts like, but breaking up or at least living separately has been on my mind for months now, and someone asked me, "do you love her?" and I was like, "well, ehhh... ." and they said well if you have to think that long... .So I dunno, I think I love her as a dear friend but the romantic love cannot exist presently as things are.

She knows what the last relationship, with someone dBPD, did to me and I simply need to have my own space, be my own person for a while before I'm ready for anything else, with her or anyone. That's not a lot to ask is it? But she doesn't have anywhere lined up currently for long-term, so I am in a position where we must coexist for a bit. We don't fight or hurl abusive words, and I think I've finally gotten through to her that I need this space, and I need her to find a place to stay. She doesn't like to go to work when I'm off work, but then says we need to spend more time doing our own thing, which is weird and seems a little childish, but I am guilty of the same.

At this point I think it's best for her to get an apartment or a roommate somewhere so I can have my peace. It's like in the book called, "Language of Letting Go" once you make a move to be YOU and not cater to expectations placed upon you, either the people you've been with will leave, or they will respect you more for taking that step, and THEN you can move into greater intimacy with them, but priorities are priorities.