Photos of d14 drugging while in UBPD res. care enough to get her out of there?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

d14 chose to live with her UBPD father a year and a half ago.

After years of brutal alienation.

"voting with her feet" the court likes to call it.

I received a cache of intimate photos of D14 consuming drugs this weekend.

what action would you take?

[nona]

d14 chose to live with her UBPD father a year and a half ago.

After years of brutal alienation.

"voting with her feet" the court likes to call it.

I received a cache of intimate photos of D14 consuming drugs this weekend.

what action would you take?

[ForeverDad]

Is there any indication her father was present or aware of her actions?  Hard drugs or "recreational" drugs?

You may need to wait a while and ponder your options.  If you did nothing then you risk not being seen as productive.  On the other hand, if you did something to report it, she (or he) may try to hide it, deny it or Blame Shift right back onto you.  Or have the local court just minimize it like everything else brought to their attention.  It's tough to figure out which way to handle it.

[nona]

Thanks for your reply, forever dad.

Just as I predicted, the response was lies, lies and more lies. An opportunity to triangulate.

It never ends with this disease.

Its pretty sad to come here in the aftermath.
Having lost everything.

except my life.

When finally taken down, there is not much support here.
It seems as long as we are still in the fog, or fighting the good fight the board is on fire.

But now there is usually silence on my painful posts.

just weird.

[WildernessMan]

Nona - I feel your pain. My BPD wife will be my ex soon. And she's trying to take me to the cleaners in the process. We have 2 teens. But yes u get to walk away with your life.

I'm just trying to clinch my teeth through it.

Is there any light at the end of your tunnel?

[Turkish]

What do you mean by "intimate, " as in sexual in nature? Is there a crime or crimes here which tie to her dad?

[Panda39]

Were the photos sent to you anonymously?  If so that is kind of fishy... .who would have sent them and why?  Any suspicions?  I think it's really good that you have taken the time to think about what to do here vs a knee jerk reaction. 

Have you considered speaking with an attorney about the photos?  Or maybe your therapist (if you have one) or both?  You would get two types of perspectives there. 

Does your daughter have a school counselor that you could reach out to?

There is always speaking to your daughter directly, but if I remember right you had parental alienation in relation to your daughter so the direct approach might not be the best under those circumstances.

What are your instincts about this?  You know your ex, daughter, and situation best.

Panda39

[nona]

Wildernessman... .thanks for your reply.the light at the end of the tunnel is... .

1) I am out of there.
2) D14 knows BPDdad is "psychopath" (her words). She knows he will abandon her if she "knows". She decided at 13 she cannot handle him doing to her what he did to me. and catering
3) I KNOW the courts are crooked. NO ILLUSIONS. See the book "not in the best interest of the child". I know the child and the mother. They will not protect D14. Child protection , all of them crooked. Paid over 240,000 to learn that lesson. Which is sad to know this and come here. "Go to the lawyer" advice is the wrong advice. In my experience.
4) she will grow up, and leave. She will find her way out on her terms, she is very smart and manipulating just like him.
5) I am finding and healing my childhood wounds/damage that kept me hooked. A VERY VERY VERY SLOW PROCESS, I might warn.
6) I was able to study and sleep after seeing the horror. I can detach to save myself. Thats big in my recovery. Radical acceptance.

Turkish, Nice to see you ! I should have used the word explicit, rather than intimate... .BPDdad is an out of control porn addict. He not into real humans.D14 can describe "he can't even turn it off when I am in the room" All the courts, child protection, counselors KNOW. THEY DO NOTHING. It keeps them all employed. And wounded girls, ... .lots of opportunity for deviants there... .pervs need wounded girls.

The photos were posted to a back door instagram account. Could have been her friend setting her up, but most likely experimentation as well. It was a photo of NARCOTICS. I requested a urinalysis. BPDdad is a family doctor. I sent him the photos. Requesting UA. His response; "there will be no urinalysis." So I guess if D14 dies from narcotics, I will have been right. I would rather be wrong. You just cannot win with these guys.

Panda... My attorney knows. Basically said "Bummer." She is in a new school, I have not made those connections yet as I am in another country. I spoke to daughter directly... .she responded with the exact stories I expected. So much gobbledy-goop. ":)on't over think this".She is very charming and "open" with me about her experimentation, etc. etc. but I see right through and know I can not trust the words. She tells just enough to sound open. Controlled, manipulative. I ACCEPT this, and live my life accordingly. The ONLY way I will know what my daughter is ingesting is a hair analysis or UA. There IS power in knowing how much a person will lie. I have had 16 years of practice with WORD SALAD. I do not invest in words now.

I have older kids in their 30's I can trust. Not raised by or genetic linked to BPD.

Preserving the loving contact, I validated her. That is the only influence I have today with her. I have had her 155 days since January 1, 2017. loving, validating, normal time. That is huge. the motherectomy was not successful, since I learned validation.

Now I am learning to validate me ... .super important, since invalidation was the wound that kept me hooked.

Thanks all... .it was so validating to come here 7 years ago. to begin to get the truth and pull me out of the rabbit hole, but I find additional cognitive dissonance as well with all the trust in the courts. keeps me away sometimes, from the only group that understands.

as long as we are bogged down in surviving, victimized in the minutae, we cannot see the big picture, let alone navigate it wisely.

[Turkish]

I read a few chapters of that book... .and was blown away by the cases described.  I'm also concurrently reading a book by Erin Pizzey. Too much.  I knew about the dysfunctional world growing up with BPD mom,  then decades later,  uBPDx and her family,  but these things which affect families are sad beyond belief,  and the judicial system is hit or miss,  major miss for you. CPS social worker made a not so veiled threat to take the kids once... .scared the crap out of me. 

Where do you think you can go from here?

[livednlearned]

I'm so sorry that your daughter is in such distress, nona. I wish there were words for the kind of anguish I imagine you must feel  

I find additional cognitive dissonance as well with all the trust in the courts. keeps me away sometimes, from the only group that understands.

I understand. During my 4 year battle in court, I kept wondering where the heck the mother bias was that everyone kept talking about. My ex seemed to get multiple bites of the apple, and very few consequences. The only thing that turned the tide for us what my ex's psychotic episode that he documented himself through emails, texts, IMs, voicemails to me. The fact that he's a lawyer and should know better definitely helped tip off the judge that something was very wrong.

It seems like you have the added stresses of a small-town mindset where everyone know everyone and the problems are systemic. And corrupt.

I had to move to a different county to get out of the one where my ex and I raised S16 because it was notorious for being a good ol' boys network. Whereas the neighboring county had high volume (lots of poverty) and pressure to reduce wait times for cases.

In our cases, it feels like the devil is in the details. I began to think of court as a blunt instrument, whereas what we often need in our cases is a scalpel to get rid of the tumor.

It's beyond sad