Finally broke up after a big fight

[Depression = 72% of members]

That's really good to hear.  All that type of work is going to help you as you move forwards in your life.  I made it my mission to get ALL the help that I could and just kept knocking on those doors!  If you seek support, it can be surprising to find how much is available.  I now receive art on prescription which is one of the best things my counsellor advised me to look into.  It's at a creative well being centre and I'm studying art, horticulture and have the potential to branch into many other topics.  I absolutely love it there.  I'm creative and find it so very therapeutic to have that outlet.  Some members have gone on to do degrees and teach professionally.  Not everywhere has programmes like this so I know I'm incredibly lucky.  The point is, you never know until you look.  So give yourself the mission of recovering, building your strength, securing an emotionally healthier future in every way you can and you never know, it could lead you down paths you never imagined possible.

As for the driving - even whilst going through what you are, you're also conquering fears which is amazing!  Good on you 

Keep up the great work and keep us posted on how you're doing.  There are often bumps in the road and we all help one another along when these arise. 

Love and light x

[Harley Quinn]

That's really good to hear.  All that type of work is going to help you as you move forwards in your life.  I made it my mission to get ALL the help that I could and just kept knocking on those doors!  If you seek support, it can be surprising to find how much is available.  I now receive art on prescription which is one of the best things my counsellor advised me to look into.  It's at a creative well being centre and I'm studying art, horticulture and have the potential to branch into many other topics.  I absolutely love it there.  I'm creative and find it so very therapeutic to have that outlet.  Some members have gone on to do degrees and teach professionally.  Not everywhere has programmes like this so I know I'm incredibly lucky.  The point is, you never know until you look.  So give yourself the mission of recovering, building your strength, securing an emotionally healthier future in every way you can and you never know, it could lead you down paths you never imagined possible.

As for the driving - even whilst going through what you are, you're also conquering fears which is amazing!  Good on you 

Keep up the great work and keep us posted on how you're doing.  There are often bumps in the road and we all help one another along when these arise. 

Love and light x

[donkey2016]

Hi Harley Quinn,
Thank you so much for your post with encouraging words. Yes, I feel very proud that I overcome the fear of driving. It also helped me a lot with other areas of life - I feel much stronger and better self-confidence since I'm able to drive. I felt that it was difficult for other people to understand why I was afraid of driving (even though people die everyday in traffic accidents) and that I was just like a spoiled princess.

That sounds great with that center that you're going to with art and horticulture! I'm trying to find time to do things for myself. I'm feeling already better and so happy to see the kids being much happier now. We have more contact now with other people outside work and school. Friends who come over and we also visit them. I also have more time for my kids now when my ex. is not taking all my free time and energy. 

I read such a nice thread here from 2011 about thinking you miss your exBPD but it's the feeling of being in an emotionally strong relationship that you miss. That's so true - so when I miss my ex. or think that I do - I think about that - I don't miss him - I miss the feelings that we had for each other.
donkey2016

[Maya60]

Hi Donkey,

The part you mention about the strong emotional relationship helps me a lot.
Me and my ex had many good times, but to stay strong I try to think of the bad parts.
It is so hard letting go. Its like an addiction to the intensity of the relationship.

How are you doing now?
Your story is very heavy... .hope you are feeling better! *hug*

[donkey2016]

Hello Maya60,

Thank you for reading my story. Yes, it was heavy but the ending was surprisingly easy. He has stopped contacting me - it been more then one week since I heard from him. I don't miss him anymore. Still I feel almost insulted that it was so easy for him to stop having contact with me - after all this time together - all the drama - threatening to commit suicide - and now silence. I 'm asking myself why I wasn't able to break up before. I guess he manipulated me into believing that I couldn't . Stay strong - and believe in yourself - either you stay with your boyfriend or if you break up.
donkey2016