Terrified and need help

[Scared Silly]

Hi,

My granddaughter was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder last winter. Since May 2016 she  attempted suicide three times. She is currently hospitalized and she is scared to be discharged. She keeps saying that she can't see herself be here for her 20th birthday.

I try hard to support my daughter (her mother) but I also suffer from depression (Major Depressive Disorder) and I am struggling to keep it together. I am also scared for my daughter because she had a psychosis episode 2 years ago and was off work for 9 months at that time. Her husband (also my granddaughter's dad) was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer last December and underwent invasive surgery followed by chemo and radiation. He is currently cancer free but still off work recovering. This feels like it is just too much to deal with in a short period of time.

We NEED guidance, we don't know where to turn.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[incadove]

Hi Scared

I wish I had any answers or better comfort to offer, that sounds so scary.   I've never been through anything that severe, only emotional pain from the relationship difficulties.

I hope you can find a way to keep going one day at a time, and let yourself take some pleasure in small things if that can give you strength to keep going.  I don't know about these things but in my work, I know that when faced with a huge overwhelming task, what helps is to focus only on what the immediate next step is, and do that, and repeat.  Sometimes if the big picture is too daunting its better to focus only on immediate steps that are under your control, even if its only sending a kind message.

Best, and know you are not alone.  Please post updates, I know there are others here going through things like that and sharing can help.

 

[livednlearned]

Oh my -- you have so much on your plate, Scared Silly.

I can understand why you would feel overwhelmed, and scared for your granddaughter, especially with so many other challenges happening at the same time. It can really feel like too much, all at once

What is your relationship like with your granddaughter? Does she communicate with you?

There is a wonderful program that the NEA-BPD runs called Family Connections (bpdfamily materials are based on that same program -- you can see the lessons in the sidebar to the right). The program is for families with BPD loved ones helping other families, and there might be a program near you depending on where you live.

If you can't find a program, a lot of their material is based on Shari Manning's book Loving Someone with BPD. Parents I met through that program also recommend Valerie Porr's book Overcoming BPD. They both share skills that are not intuitive, and often must be learned.

I know it is no small consolation, but I remember reading somewhere that suicidality in BPD young adults tends to peak in the late teens. It does not mean she is out of the dark because suicidal ideation can be a challenge for years to come.

It is also apparently common for BPD sufferers to fear getting better because independence can be overwhelming, and losing the attention of her caregivers may increase her fears of abandonment.

You're not alone, we're here to walk with you  

LnL