Getting some silent treatment tonight. I've chosen to enjoy it

[formflier]

For those that know my story... .it's rare that ST is part of the dysfunction.

My understanding is that school conferences have gotten her stirred up.  We have a "wide variety of academic talent" in our house... .

From acing the ACT to a younger one that is a bit on the emotionally immature side and has been performing below standards for a couple years.  We actually repeated kindergarten to get her to be one of the older ones in the class.

So... yes I am concerned about her (D7... now in first grade)  yet I am convinced it is likely she will be an underpeformer for a while... until some maturing comes along.

So... .understandably my wife is emotional... berated and cussed at me for "bad tone" in front of the kids (yeah... she alleges bad tone/example and she is the one using cuss words in front of kids)... .to inviting me home from the store with promises of nakedness in the tub... .to when I get home she was getting into bed (without any covers on it... I was washing them) at 845 pm.  She normally gets in bed at 11 or midnight.

Anyway... .I brought in the clean covers and asked if she would help me put them on (no resopnse).  I then realized I had said several other things to her with no response.

I left the covers and said I would be in living room if needed and left (again... no response).

She emailed me about something random (a kids youth group thing) 20 minutes later... .I responded to ask if she was still up and let her know status of the youth group thing... .

Yep... you got it... .no response.

Feels kinda odd... .I sort of enjoy the quiet... .and I'm able to get some stuff done.


FF

[Cat Familiar]

That's a good strategy, FF, using that time as a respite.

It's hard for me to do. I realize that I've always been programmed to be the one who is the cheerleader, the soother of upset moods--from the time I was a small child.

I remember my mother giving me the silent treatment for a few days when I was about eight. We were in a restaurant and she made some comment about some other diner being "funny looking" because of their glasses. I spoke up and said that I thought she and my dad were also funny looking because they too had glasses.

So I guess that was the initial incident when I began feeling punished by the silent treatment.

My husband can be very moody and sullen and lots of times I know it has nothing to do with me. However it feels like he's polluting the air when he behaves that way around me. It communicates: "I'm miserable, so you have to be too!"

Since there's just the two of us, I don't have another person to talk with at home, like you do FF, so it sort of magnifies the focal point.

The irony is that if I leave the room and go tend to the animals, he will accuse me of avoiding him. However if I leave to do laundry, he is not jealous of that.

ICK! This has given me food for thought about my part, being needy for a friendly atmosphere. The irony is that I'm absolutely fine if he takes his bad mood with him and goes to a movie--I'm thrilled! Free at last!

[Cole]

FF,

Did she ever tell you what the silent treatment was all about?

When they go from one extreme to the other with no explanation it can be exhausting. I have to admit, I enjoy the quite time myself when it happens.

[PeteWitsend]

FF, I often feel the same way.  if I'm looking forward to leaving work and coming home, chances are good it's only because we had a huge blowup the day/night before, and I know she'll be on the ST phase. 

which means no pressure to "spend some time with me tonight"... .which means in practice "sit and listen to me talk about myself or something I read on facebook" with a 50% chance the conversation will turn hostile at some point if she doesn't get the response she wants to a comment or question.

so silent treatment means I can read, watch TV, play video games, or go to the gym without getting a guilt trip for it.

[formflier]

No... she didn't say what it was about... I didn't ask.

This morning she came out to get ready to go to work and had a bluetooth speaker blaring (carrying it around)... .so... .she yelled louder to be heard by me and the kids.

I said a thing or two (normal admin stuff)... .she yelled even louder that she couldn't hear me.  I repeated it once and then continued on about my business... .which was folding clothes at the moment. 

She eventually turned off the music... .gave me peck on cheek and left for work... .she never asked about what she couldn't hear... .I never offered again... no plans to. 

My guess is that she is/was upset about the school report on our child.

FF

[Cat Familiar]

Thanks for starting this thread, FF. It made me realize how needy I've been for a pleasant social environment in my home. So now I'm utilizing your strategy and using the silent treatment time (or even his crabby self-absorbed time) as an opportunity to do chores, read, do exercise, etc.

It's freed me up from acting like a needy puppy. Thank you!