Adult BPD DAUGHTER

[Parents! Get help here!]

Adult daughter displaying DBT symptoms for decades.
Classic behaviors.
I am her abuser and savior.
Now a newly minted PhD psychologist!
Her professional credentials, the determination to construct an airtight alibi.
She has recently embarked on a successful campaign of alienating the formerly strong bond between my son and myself.
The details are extremely convoluted, as only possible with a Borderline.
Yet, her manipulations and have succeeded in creating a perfect Kaufman, DRAMA TRIANGLE.
My son is no longer speaking to me.
This entire process has taken three months.
The event initiating her rage at me, a ferocious battle with her ex boy friend.
She claims I was unresponsive to the assault, a flat out lie.
She dropped her relationship with me (for the 10,000th time) and brought my son into the situation as her "hero, protector and voice".

He has informed me of his intentions to cut off communications with me.
We are a broken family already, with a difficult history, at best.
Now this.

[cocopho]

Adult daughter displaying DBT symptoms for decades.
Classic behaviors.
I am her abuser and savior.
Now a newly minted PhD psychologist!
Her professional credentials, the determination to construct an airtight alibi.
She has recently embarked on a successful campaign of alienating the formerly strong bond between my son and myself.
The details are extremely convoluted, as only possible with a Borderline.
Yet, her manipulations and have succeeded in creating a perfect Kaufman, DRAMA TRIANGLE.
My son is no longer speaking to me.
This entire process has taken three months.
The event initiating her rage at me, a ferocious battle with her ex boy friend.
She claims I was unresponsive to the assault, a flat out lie.
She dropped her relationship with me (for the 10,000th time) and brought my son into the situation as her "hero, protector and voice".

He has informed me of his intentions to cut off communications with me.
We are a broken family already, with a difficult history, at best.
Now this.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hello Cocpho   and welcome

It saddens me to read your post, you've been through so much and now this is heart breaking!   Is your son aware of her BPD? 

You have a good understanding of what happened and why, I know that's little comfort to you at this time, how you have described it will help others.

We are here for you, we care.

WDx

[cocopho]

My son is completely unaware, as I have struggled for decades to maintain a semblance of normality and controls the situation.
In fact, at this one, my daughter has convinced my son that I have a mental illness, most likely , BPD.
He is "all in" with her professional diagnosis and enjoys the new caretaker responsibilitys for the health and welfare of his "abused" older Sister.
She remains mute, has removed herself from my life.
There is no solution.
I only can try to look after myself.
My son was the closest family left in my life.

[Wanttounderstand]

Cocopho - Our BPD daughter did the same thing getting her brother to think We have been awful parents. He really bought into her hurt and anger. However, she later turned on him as well and then went to her grandparents and got them to have problems with his fiancé and him.

 He still has a heart for his sister, and feels bad her life is so rough, but our relationship with our son, and now wife, is stronger than ever. It just took him growing up (23) and seeing the situation progress over the past seven years since she was diagnosed.

Grandma is now on her side and won't speak to me. It's amazing how convincing BPDs can be with their version of reality.

I hope with some time and perspective your son will figure this out and get back into relationship with you. Seeing his sister do this to others will open his eyes. It takes time though.

[cocopho]

Thanks to those who responded.
My hope for a return to the loving relationships I had with both my caring son AND BPD daughter is strong.
I did write to my daughter, copied my son that I was wrong to question HER FEELINGS about her abusive break up.
Even though I know that I was there for her, they are her feelings.
I have taken the idea of Karpman's "moving to the center" much to heart.
This is how I intend to deal with this drama and any other ls that may arise.
I have no idea how long it might be until our relationships improve, but I will no longer remain a player in the drama.
Also spending time and opening up to good friends who have known me for decades.
And have always confirmed the terrific job I did in raising my kids.
My ex spouse abandoned our family twice.
I did it all.
This is good enough for me.
I am sure of a return to baseline, eventually.
Particularly after learning about the Karpman Drama Triangle and avoiding enmeshment within the drama.
Again,
Thank you!