19 yo daughter with BPD

[Boiler90]

My daughter has been recently diagnosed with BPD.   the last 5  years ( she is 19) have been a nightmare.  My husband and I have been married 26 years and she has no history of abuse or anything! Couldn't make it through high school, got a GED after attending 4 schools.  My husband and I are professionals and college graduates.  We have a totally normal life and don't understand.  We also have an older son who will graduate from college this year .  My heart aches for her.  She is beautiful, smart, and artistic.  I wish she could see what I see.   We have gone thru overdoses, cutting, horrible anger, and so on.  She is currently living with us and taking one class at a local community college.  That is  all she can handle at this time. She does take medication... .seems to help th anger. She does have a new therapist as well. She likes her and I'm so happy for that. This vs are good this week... .hoping to continue!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[babyoctopus]

So sorry. I am in the midst of similar, with my 17 y.o. She is currently failing her senior year. I am so distraught watching her future literally go down the drain. She is so intelligent, artistic, like yours, beautiful- but same thing- she never believes. I am fighting with everything I've got to make sure she graduates... .but it is so exhausting and heartbreaking.

I have to ask: Did your daughter struggle all through school? Is she on any kind of meds? When did she get diagnosed with BPD? Did you ever try a residential treatment facility?

My heart aches for you- you aren't alone.

[livednlearned]

Hi Boiler90,

Welcome and hello

Nightmare is a familiar word for families describing BPD loved ones and the behaviors that go with. Your story is also familiar -- there does not need to be a history of abuse for BPD to occur, and having a talented yet underachieving child is not uncommon when BPD interferes with normal emotional regulation.

How fortunate that your D likes her therapist, and is willing to see her.

I found many of the relationship/communication skills discussed here were helpful in preventing things from getting worse -- an important first step! And there have been books that changed how I viewed the disorder, like Buddha and the Borderline (a memoir written by a very motivated young woman with BPD who did DBT).

You may also find Loving Someone with BPD by Shari Manning to help as well. It's the book that the NEA-BPD's Family Connections program is based on (which is where the lessons and skills in the right sidebar also come from).

The skills for loving someone with BPD are not-intuitive, and require patience and practice. Even then, they do not cure BPD, although they can certainly lead to tiny little changes that add up and make for a more validating environment.

How does your son get along with his sister? Does he know about the diagnosis?

LnL

[Boiler90]

Hi Boiler90,

Welcome and hello

Nightmare is a familiar word for families describing BPD loved ones and the behaviors that go with. Your story is also familiar -- there does not need to be a history of abuse for BPD to occur, and having a talented yet underachieving child is not uncommon when BPD interferes with normal emotional regulation.

How fortunate that your D likes her therapist, and is willing to see her.

I found many of the relationship/communication skills discussed here were helpful in preventing things from getting worse -- an important first step! And there have been books that changed how I viewed the disorder, like Buddha and the Borderline (a memoir written by a very motivated young woman with BPD who did DBT).

You may also find Loving Someone with BPD by Shari Manning to help as well. It's the book that the NEA-BPD's Family Connections program is based on (which is where the lessons and skills in the right sidebar also come from).

The skills for loving someone with BPD are not-intuitive, and require patience and practice. Even then, they do not cure BPD, although they can certainly lead to tiny little changes that add up and make for a more validating environment.

How does your son get along with his sister? Does he know about the diagnosis?

LnL

My daughter has been recently diagnosed with BPD.   the last 5  years ( she is 19) have been a nightmare.  My husband and I have been married 26 years and she has no history of abuse or anything! Couldn't make it through high school, got a GED after attending 4 schools.  My husband and I are professionals and college graduates.  We have a totally normal life and don't understand.  We also have an older son who will graduate from college this year .  My heart aches for her.  She is beautiful, smart, and artistic.  I wish she could see what I see.   We have gone thru overdoses, cutting, horrible anger, and so on.  She is currently living with us and taking one class at a local community college.  That is  all she can handle at this time. She does take medication... .seems to help th anger. She does have a new therapist as well. She likes her and I'm so happy for that. This vs are good this week... .hoping to continue!

[mom2ela]

Boiler90,

We are living the nightmare as well. We often question what we could have done differently. We thought we were the "normal" family as well. Our son has no history of abuse and we often wonder how we got here. Our 18 year old was diagnosed one year ago with BPD. We have been through overdoses, self harm, multiple in patient, outpatient, residential and counseling programs.

Life can change so quickly. Please know that you are not alone.