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Supporting a Child in Therapy for Borderline Personality Disorder
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Emotional Blackmail: Fear, Obligation and Guilt (FOG)
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Author Topic: Threats are they real or for attention.  (Read 505 times)
Worried Mom23

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 18


« on: October 24, 2017, 09:21:35 PM »

27 yr old diagnosed daughter... .lost a job she loved due to her boss violating hipa ... she went above his head to his boss so he fired her 2 weeks later... she has been on a downward spiral ever since. She is on her second job in the past 5 months and can't seem to get it together.  She just disappeared today and says she is with a friend and seeking a psychiatrist tomorrow in a town an hour and half away from her home.  She is telling me she isn't ok and needs help and she has tried go tell us this but we aren't listening.  I don't know if she is making this up to go on a vacation from work or if she is cruelly in need.  how do you tell if it's attention seeking or she really needs help.  I feel bad even thinking that she is just manipulating me into feeling bad ... .god I need rest from all this... .i have her 2 kids and I'm wore out. I'm tired of worry... amd yes I have been saying snap the hell out of it... .but what if she cant... .am I a horrible mother for not understanding or am I being manipulated.
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Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
Worried Mom23

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 18


« Reply #1 on: October 24, 2017, 09:25:57 PM »

Everyone on her work place was sent an email that contained her medical test that were ordered from her Dr... .HR said this wasn't a violation of hipa and brushed it off... .she had a breakdown knowing all her co workers knew her test that were ordered ... .she missed 2 days of work ... .then her boss fired her and said it was cause she had to many computer mistakes ... .i feel she needs to file suit against them but she isn't strong enough
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incadove
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 291



« Reply #2 on: October 25, 2017, 12:54:12 PM »

Hi Worried Mom

If she's reaching out for support that seems straightforward to me, not necessarily a manipulation.  She probably is having intense feelings and needs to feel validated and supported, I think the validation links on the right might be really helpful right now in calming things down and getting her able to recover.

If there are specific responsibilities she's not taking, I would certainly still hold her to those, if she needs to pay her share of rent or whatever her obligations are, having a difficult time doesn't mean you don't do things you are obligated to do.  But providing emotional support and expressing confidence that she will figure out the right solution for herself, is probably how I'd approach it.

Ups and downs are normal and kids have to figure them out.  I don't think suing her former employer is necessarily the best course if she needs to focus all her resources on getting herself to gether to find another job. 

Maybe she can volunteer for a while to get positive feedback and references and get her confidence back, if her finances allow that.

Good luck to both you and your daughter!
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