Warning venting post and seeking advice co-parent weaponizing

[Parents! Get help here!]

Sweet Lord, I thought I was out of the muck.

You can look me up on these boards, I've been here a very long time. 23 years with uBPDh finally got it together enough to get out in June. Got a sweet little place I can't really afford, but the kids loved it, we were so happy at first, for a little while... .

uBPDh went and lived with mother. Almost immediately he's barging in, coming over unannounced, textbombing the kids early in the a.m., bringing a pet over when I've repeatedly said rental doesn't allow pets, spending time in my space- both with and without me here- really pushing the boundaries.

Now, my daughter is showing signs of BPD, acting out, failing h.s., truancy, running away, blaming, picking fights, triangulating. He is positively gleeful- he's got his foot firmly in MY door. Acting like the perfect father when HE was the reason for our misery- this kid wanted to leave! Begged me to get out!

I'm positively livid. WHY is he always one step ahead of me? WHY? I'm angry at my daughter too- after all the things I sacrificed for her, the money I spend, doctors, the school appointments, doing everything- oh. my. god. I know it sounds awful, it does, but I'm just so distraught. Did I just get made a giant fool? Again?

ARRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!      somebody help me - tell me this will get better - what should i do ?

[babyoctopus]

Sweet Lord, I thought I was out of the muck.

You can look me up on these boards, I've been here a very long time. 23 years with uBPDh finally got it together enough to get out in June. Got a sweet little place I can't really afford, but the kids loved it, we were so happy at first, for a little while... .

uBPDh went and lived with mother. Almost immediately he's barging in, coming over unannounced, textbombing the kids early in the a.m., bringing a pet over when I've repeatedly said rental doesn't allow pets, spending time in my space- both with and without me here- really pushing the boundaries.

Now, my daughter is showing signs of BPD, acting out, failing h.s., truancy, running away, blaming, picking fights, triangulating. He is positively gleeful- he's got his foot firmly in MY door. Acting like the perfect father when HE was the reason for our misery- this kid wanted to leave! Begged me to get out!

I'm positively livid. WHY is he always one step ahead of me? WHY? I'm angry at my daughter too- after all the things I sacrificed for her, the money I spend, doctors, the school appointments, doing everything- oh. my. god. I know it sounds awful, it does, but I'm just so distraught. Did I just get made a giant fool? Again?

ARRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!      somebody help me - tell me this will get better - what should i do ?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[livednlearned]

Hi babyoctopus,

How old is your daughter? Is she living with you?

When you ask about being made a giant fool, do you mean by your daughter?

It does sound complicated with your ex showing up and spending time on the property. Are you wondering about filing a protective order to prevent him from having access?

If so, that might be a good question for the Family Law board.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, and for the difficulties with your daughter. What is her relationship like with her dad?

[david]

Sounds like you need to have some boundaries and enforce them.