Adult divorced BPD Daughter dumped and manipulates us WORRIED aboutgrandkids

[abcdefg1]

Our adult divorced BPD daughter , mom to our only grandkids (2) basically dumped us. Now we never get to see our grandkids! She is not coming for weekends or holidays like she used to which breaks our hearts... .she moved over 2 hours away and continuously tells us that it 'doesnt work for her' when we try to come and visit the kids. She hangs up the phone during conversations when the kids try to tell us what is REALLY going on, or distracts them DURING the call so that we shouldnt be able to get info on whats really going on in their lives (they are only 5). When we ask HER about her life, she is distant and cagey. Doesnt respond to texts or calls... .She also goes from man to man and the kids are suffering bc when she has a man she also ignores us, not calling, not responding to texts, etc.She became an atheist as well, and abandoned all religion. I send the kids packages and gifts but she barely allows them to come to the phone and refuses to skype because shes 'too busy' and 'it doesnt work for her' . When she does agree to skype somehow its 'always broken' at the time we call... .My question is, does this sound familiar to anyone and can someone advise us as to what to do? We are so worried about the kids!SHe refuses to even talk about a relationship with us, and is constantly cold and distant, esp now that she has a 'boyfriend'... .uses us when she needs us but never comes around when she doesnt. Between the strangers around and the kids so far, we are heartbroken, and her ex is completely uninvolved... please advise.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[LifeinOZ]

Oh my goodness! The not responding to texts and phone calls is my life for 15 years with my stepdaughter! She would go days or weeks pouting about something and I would start to get nervous wondering if she was pouting or had something really happened to her? So, I got tricky and would send her pictures of stuff, like I was in a store and wondered if the kids had something, or what size would she wear --- and amazingly, she would answer my text within minutes. While being manipulative and I'm not proud of that, appealing to her selfish side always told me she was at least alive.

You are right, worrying about the grandkids is the hardest part. I'll send hope and well wishes their way!