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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Why does she still act like this?  (Read 861 times)
Greenleaf23

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 33


« on: November 06, 2017, 05:12:09 AM »

I recently moved and my ex texted me. I responded in a neutral,respectful manner. She then called and I spoke to her. I’m not near her, we are not in a relationship, but she speaks as if we were together. I do not initiate any contact. Does anyone have any advice? I have had the number blocked in the past but I always unblock it and delete because I feel like I am finally free. She asked me if I had any children.

Advice?
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heartandwhole
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« Reply #1 on: November 06, 2017, 07:20:22 AM »

Hi GreenLeaf23,

How long have you been separated from your partner?

If you feel detached, then you get to decide if you want to talk to her or not. You don't need her number blocked, either.

How did you feel this time when you talked to her?

heartandwhole
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When the pain of love increases your joy, roses and lilies fill the garden of your soul.
Greenleaf23

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« Reply #2 on: November 06, 2017, 07:27:35 AM »

I have the number deleted but not blocked. It felt like we were together. She didn’t want to get off the phone. I saw her a few months ago and she tried to hug me but I just shook her hand.

We have broken up and made up countless times. I told her I moved and we talked for four hours for two nights. I haven’t heard from her in a few days.

I’ve recently dated and I have been living my life. She asked me what part of town I lived in. I never contact her.
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Lucky Jim
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« Reply #3 on: November 06, 2017, 11:49:36 AM »

Excerpt
we talked for four hours for two nights. I haven’t heard from her in a few days.

Hey Greenleaf, It seems like she is interested in a recycle.  What is your view about a potential recycle?  Many of us, including me, have done it.

LuckyJim
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    A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
George Bernard Shaw
Greenleaf23

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Posts: 33


« Reply #4 on: November 06, 2017, 03:41:58 PM »

I don’t know how to feel. Does she want me to contact her? She reached out and I have not heard from her. I do love her but I don’t know what to do.

Should I contact her and ask what she wants?
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Lucky Jim
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« Reply #5 on: November 06, 2017, 04:08:34 PM »

Excerpt
We have broken up and made up countless times.

If you did contact her, what makes you think it would go differently?

Excerpt
Should I contact her and ask what she wants?

It's not about what she wants, I suggest, it's about what you want.  Well, what do you want?

LJ
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    A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
George Bernard Shaw
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« Reply #6 on: November 07, 2017, 01:24:16 PM »

there are some people who just lack appropriate boundaries and/or are awkward about transitioning after a breakup.

bottom line, as Lucky Jim asks, is what you want from this. a four hour conversation signals you are receptive her efforts.

do you want to be friends, do you want to try to get her back, do you want her to leave you alone?
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     and I think it's gonna be all right; yeah; the worst is over now; the mornin' sun is shinin' like a red rubber ball…
Greenleaf23

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« Reply #7 on: November 08, 2017, 03:02:20 AM »

She came to my town and we had dinner. I thought she might have changed but she is exactly the same. We live hours apart. I apologized to her for some of my past faults but she just got angry and then happy. I don’t want anything from her I just want her to be happy and content.
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Enabler
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« Reply #8 on: November 08, 2017, 04:03:11 AM »

Why delete the number? Is it a bit symbolic? Surely if her name comes up on your caller ID you can at least just ignore the call. That way you definitely have the choice and don't even have to engage.
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Greenleaf23

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« Reply #9 on: November 08, 2017, 04:06:13 AM »

Yes. I just worry about her. I am codependent. I need to care about myself. I’m still learning. This has been going on for three and a Half years and I am tired.
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