Abandonment Fears / Rejection Sensitivity - Projecting those feelings

[Enabler]

Hello all 

I was sitting at my desk wondering something. My uBPDw has a lot of hurt which she believes that I have inflicted on her. One of the things that she was hurt by was Abandonment/Rejection. In trying to understand this a bit better I'm trying to construct a narrative. If I accept that she has abandonment and rejection sensitivities as a baseline and think that's pretty fair, why is her reaction to feel hurt by me. There are multiple narratives that I can come up with:

A) You abandoned/rejected me > I feel afraid, I don't want you to abandon/reject me > I will beg and be super nice to stop you running away
B) You abandoned/rejected me > I do not know how to handle this bad feeling and I don't know where it comes from, it's a total mystery to me > I will go and do something silly to stop the negative feelings like getting drunk or sleeping with another man.
C) You abandoned/rejected me > I do not like this feeling, bad feelings cannot come from me so they must be intentional by other people > Enabler, you are a horrible person who causes me hurt and abuses me, of course you must be aware of what you're doing to cause me emotional pain.



It feels from my experience that over time my uBPDw's experience has evolved from A to B to C. It's almost as though she has managed to discount her own reaction through false confirmation that all negative feelings cannot be from her own interpretations of reality. A move to projection of all BPD negative feelings from all traits!

What experience do people have of this?

[Portent]

Thats a large part of it. The pwBPD will shape reality to match what they are feeling inside. When my marriage was starting to suffer I worked around the house all weekend because according to here "I didn't do anything." Every Sunday work work work. During our divorce she screamed at me that I watch football all day. I said 'The first game I watched all year was the superbowl.' She just looked at me dumbfounded.

There are lot of other examples.

I then end their emotions are irrational and there is nothing wrong with the intellectual rational half of their brain. So they engage in mental gymnastics to rationalize their irrational emotions.