I'm noticing that I almost have a "criticism clock" beating a rhythm inside me so that I know when I'm doing something (like cooking) that I normally can't do without being criticized, or when it's been a long enough period of time without being told I'm doing something wrong that I feel like another dose is due. But there's silence. That silence makes me realize how pervasive the lack of respect was in my life and our home, and how far we have to go to heal if we can do that. I miss my wife and worry about her, but know that she needs to sort herself out. I felt an emotional urge to reach out to her and comfort her tonight, but realized how huge and impossible the task has been to be her emotional caretaker. To be free of that burden for now is liberating but a little disorienting.
RC, I think this is a very interesting insight. I can relate to that expectation of criticism. You have a ton going on and a lot (of actions) to stay focused on, but I'm glad to hear that you are listening to your inner voice and reflecting on what is changing around you and inside of you.
Keep on keepin' on. We are walking with you.
heart
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https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=317053
