Here I Sit,

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Here I sit, with a mason jar full of wine, a fire going in the fire place, my Son is safely off to bed, I sit here in the fire light, and I think, how many times haveI been in this que, she is mad... .again, day four point five of stone wall, .what was it this time, oh yeah, again my Son, .what was it, he was too slow doing something... .or was it that he flushed the toilet after he got out of the shower, .or was it that he ran the water a full minute after his timer bell went off, .all I remember was she retorted something, and then he said something, and she heard it, andI “intervened”... .yet again,RWR gear wide open as usual (formflier)... .so here I sit, going down my mental checklist in the dark,firelight,all is quiet now, as she has been holed up in “my”man cave for four point five daze now, .I go down the mental checklist item by item, .how many times has this happened over the last seven years we’ve been married... .how much crazy Krupa has she said to me, .dysregulate, deride, lecture, “extermination burst”... .over and over and over again... .I have to say I have been sleeping better since her and her little dog have vacated the bedroom, but I do love that little dog, .her... .honestly... .sadly no... .Thanksgiving is a few days, weeks away, do me and my Son... .will we be spending that meal at the local Golden Coral again... .two years in a row, but then a respite last year, .oh what fun, we all went to her sisters last year, and I got to hangout in the shed with the other two “soninlaws”... .insert war story here... .and then Christmas will be here in just a few more weeks... .and then our anniversary... .back to the checklists, how many times has she taken the Christmas tree down in a rage on Christmas Eve, .how many times have I taken a peice of jewelry back to the store... .how many times has she completely destroyed the holidays season... .arrrrrgggg... .back to the checklist... .how many times have I been devalued, derided,told I was this, that... .and the other thing... .JADE... .SET... .arrrrrggg!, .how many times has divorce been threatened... .how many times has she packed up her gear... .and said “I’mDONE”... .Jimmeny Christmas... .is it ME who is BPD... .have I been wrong all along... .am I really the crazy one here... .at least it has been quiet around here since she announced that we need to “avoid each other”... .my Son and I have gotten a lot don in the backyard in the last few daze since she walled herself up in”my”office man cave... .will it ever end... .I am so friggen beat up, nothing she could do would surprise me, or even hurt me anymore... .seven years married, ten year r/s... .I thought I was smart after surviving my first marriage... .Uh... .NO Iwas not... .getting late here, no telling how long this “ephisode” will last, .she has been completely quiet since Wednesday night, when she moved outa the bedroom... .and into my “office”... .I really cannot believe that I put up with this Bravo Sierra time after time after time... .a “functional wife”... .no sorry... .not in a long longtime... .let me think for a second... .probably never were there to begin with (checklists)... .fire is going out, time to go to sleep... .got Church in the morning... .is this what is called “self soothing”... .

[Red5]

Here I sit, with a mason jar full of wine, a fire going in the fire place, my Son is safely off to bed, I sit here in the fire light, and I think, how many times haveI been in this que, she is mad... .again, day four point five of stone wall, .what was it this time, oh yeah, again my Son, .what was it, he was too slow doing something... .or was it that he flushed the toilet after he got out of the shower, .or was it that he ran the water a full minute after his timer bell went off, .all I remember was she retorted something, and then he said something, and she heard it, andI “intervened”... .yet again,RWR gear wide open as usual (formflier)... .so here I sit, going down my mental checklist in the dark,firelight,all is quiet now, as she has been holed up in “my”man cave for four point five daze now, .I go down the mental checklist item by item, .how many times has this happened over the last seven years we’ve been married... .how much crazy Krupa has she said to me, .dysregulate, deride, lecture, “extermination burst”... .over and over and over again... .I have to say I have been sleeping better since her and her little dog have vacated the bedroom, but I do love that little dog, .her... .honestly... .sadly no... .Thanksgiving is a few days, weeks away, do me and my Son... .will we be spending that meal at the local Golden Coral again... .two years in a row, but then a respite last year, .oh what fun, we all went to her sisters last year, and I got to hangout in the shed with the other two “soninlaws”... .insert war story here... .and then Christmas will be here in just a few more weeks... .and then our anniversary... .back to the checklists, how many times has she taken the Christmas tree down in a rage on Christmas Eve, .how many times have I taken a peice of jewelry back to the store... .how many times has she completely destroyed the holidays season... .arrrrrgggg... .back to the checklist... .how many times have I been devalued, derided,told I was this, that... .and the other thing... .JADE... .SET... .arrrrrggg!, .how many times has divorce been threatened... .how many times has she packed up her gear... .and said “I’mDONE”... .Jimmeny Christmas... .is it ME who is BPD... .have I been wrong all along... .am I really the crazy one here... .at least it has been quiet around here since she announced that we need to “avoid each other”... .my Son and I have gotten a lot don in the backyard in the last few daze since she walled herself up in”my”office man cave... .will it ever end... .I am so friggen beat up, nothing she could do would surprise me, or even hurt me anymore... .seven years married, ten year r/s... .I thought I was smart after surviving my first marriage... .Uh... .NO Iwas not... .getting late here, no telling how long this “ephisode” will last, .she has been completely quiet since Wednesday night, when she moved outa the bedroom... .and into my “office”... .I really cannot believe that I put up with this Bravo Sierra time after time after time... .a “functional wife”... .no sorry... .not in a long longtime... .let me think for a second... .probably never were there to begin with (checklists)... .fire is going out, time to go to sleep... .got Church in the morning... .is this what is called “self soothing”... .

[formflier]

Hey brother... .it is what is called self soothing.  It's a day where you would hope you wouldn't have to do that. 

I noticed that was especially short-tempered (not that I yelled)... .I guess my ability to put up with frustration was really low.  I went to a couple of those V Day meals and after I saw the line out the door... I decided not to put up with it.

I went and bought a meal at a nearly empty restaurant... .came home and watched a movie... then went to bed early.

Be kind to yourself.

FF

[Red5]

U2 formflier... .I have been reading more (alot) lately about this ST, .and I came upon the self soothing thing, also “extermination burst”... .all that said, from what I was reading tonight, I did pick this up, .the inaction of ST, once initiated by the SO verses the “non” (me?)... .is indeed another form, attempt at controlling my responses, or lack thereof of the missed appropriate response, as she precieves it... .so she did not “get her way”, so I must now be devalued, and punished, as would be a disobedient child, further... .could this be a learnt triat from her own childhood (?)... .as I have also read that BPD behaviors are sometimes along the lines of an “arrested” development type. Continuing, the initiation of the ST is a control measure for her, fight or flee (?)... .so she is waiting me out, maybe... .or punishing me for not towing the line, and it’s best for me to not negotiate, or try to reason her out of the office, and off the leather couch in there, as in not “feed her desire” for any further escalation, .I should not let her control my passions / emotions, .I am in control (ultamtely) of my own ability to reason my own flavor of happinesses and I should not let her subject her own mind games upon me for the (her) desired affects, .control... .geez, I have had to much wine this evening, .the sermon this morning was about letting the light (love) of Jesus shine within us... .so there you have it, keep the light shining bright, and do not let it be put out... .tomorrow is a new day, off to work, .got “checklists” to write... .I have to say one more thing, before I go, after my first marriage ended, I had sole custody of my three children, they were all teenagers at that time, I was a single Dad for five years... .in this time, I became fiercely independent and protective, .then I remarried, .looking back now, why did I feel like I needed to do that, .seemed like a great idea at the time, if I had the knowledge back then, that I “think”I have now... .well never mind... .she is going to be just fine, I know from much experience that the leather couch in the office is very comfortable, and it’s her choice... .I got things to do, places to go, and bills to pay, .you take care of you too formflier, v/r Red5