first break up

[Depression = 72% of members]

my partner has BPD... he told me from day 1. eve been together 5 months... and we have broken up 2 xs and now this time... .the last 2 lasted  overnight, he came to realized he was irrational and apologized.
However, This one current break up, he said he slept on it and still wanted nothing to do with me... very cold... all of a sudden feeling  discarded and thrown away  from a comment I made ad trigger he has. Leaving me very sad and confused. I am reading on here that I shouldn't believe that he feels anything for me even after the beautiful things he has said to me? I thought he loved me?
 I am confused and don't understand and want to take care of myself but also, I love him and want to approach this the best way for this condition.  Please help.

[jacx03]

my partner has BPD... he told me from day 1. eve been together 5 months... and we have broken up 2 xs and now this time... .the last 2 lasted  overnight, he came to realized he was irrational and apologized.
However, This one current break up, he said he slept on it and still wanted nothing to do with me... very cold... all of a sudden feeling  discarded and thrown away  from a comment I made ad trigger he has. Leaving me very sad and confused. I am reading on here that I shouldn't believe that he feels anything for me even after the beautiful things he has said to me? I thought he loved me?
 I am confused and don't understand and want to take care of myself but also, I love him and want to approach this the best way for this condition.  Please help.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Qman]

Sorry jacx, that's hard. For me, the only thing that has worked with my BPDgf when she breaks-up with me (which has been often) is space and time. I have some issues with insecurity, so of course when I'm feeling hurt I want to feel comforted and close to my partner, since she's the person who usually gives me love and affection. But that doesn't work for her at all in a "break-up". I now give her space - she usually wants to withdraw and not be disturbed - and it takes some time for her to calm down (longest was about 3 days). That's hard on you, and you're right, you need to be able to take care of yourself.

[pearlsw]

Hi Qman,

I would not necessarily think that a breakup means someone doesn't love me. My h broke with me many times (hundreds) and I see it now as I was getting tossed overboard because his stress levels/emotions were high and that is what he does when his stress levels/emotions are high. I know how extremely confusing and painful it can be though! Our logical brains really struggle with it - I know I have!

Have you had a chance to look at any of the tools on the site yet? Working on your communication skills can go a long way to at least not making things worse, and might even improve things. At the least, by engaging the community here you can become more clear as you work your way to a point of understanding the intricacies of BPD and BPD traits.

Have you seen this on the Dos and Don'ts of BPD relationships? https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=36.0  It might be a good place to start! If you take a look let us know what you think of it! Keep posting and let us know how things are going and what insights you are discovering.