Had the Separation/Divorce Conversation - now BPD husband dragging his feet

[marequita]

According to my therapist, the hardest work is done - coming to the conclusion that it's time for me to move on from what I now recognize is a spouse who is a vulnerable narcissist. Reading 'Walking on Eggshells" was so therapeutic and described him/our relationship to a T. I'm also reading Splitting so I'm preparing myself for what may be a dramatic eventual divorce (sadly).

Although during our discussion where we decided it was best for all involved that we split he was so agreeable (after 11 years and YEARS of couples therapy, retreats, etc.), he is now dragging his feet.

Worse, he's acting super nice and almost acting like we never had the conversation.

While he initially was very agreeable, I suspect he's trying to spin me into a crazy cycle again trying to be  Mr. Nice guy, helpful, model citizen, etc. I've seen it MANY times before. 

I've decided if he takes no action on his own or doesn't show good faith in moving our dissolution forward that I'll have to move forward on my own filing myself.

I guess I don't really have a question but more am sharing a little bit about where I am in the process and would love any support.

3 kids - 17 year old (different father), 10 and 8 year old.

Age - just turned 46 - I don't want to spend the 2nd part of my life being treated like this... .

[ForeverDad]

Your therapist is right, the first step is the hardest, as you take more steps forward it will get easier over time.  With education and support you will make more informed and more confident decisions.

It is predictable that your spouse is being so nice, to lull you back onto the roller coaster once again.  If he hasn't made improvements in his life with a decade of your efforts, the odds are low that you can do anything more.  I read a thought a few years ago that our ex-spouses aren't really listening, that there's too much shared emotional history for them to really listen.  That's why an emotionally neutral therapist may be able to get results when we couldn't.  Even that often fails.  As we learn when learning about the five stages of grieving a relationship loss, the last stage is usually Acceptance of that reality.

[empath]

It is a long journey to come to that conclusion and accept the reality that the situation isn't going to change.

My husband initiated the conversation about separation / divorce over 6 months ago, and he seemed so agreeable to the whole thing at least in the moment, until he talked to other people. He's still here and isn't so agreeable now. There's always an issue with him moving out.

I'm trying to get some income so that I have options.