Am I making it easy for my child not to seek treatment

[claireybeary]

Hi there:  I'm hoping someone can help me with advice:

My daughter is 22 years old.   She has been in and out of treatment since 5 years old - diagnosed with anxiety disorder, ADHD, depression and ocd and is on 5 medications. 

After high school she moved away to attend college.  She struggled through 2 years and decided to take a break a year ago.  She works part-time and barely makes enough to pay her rent and living expenses.  She lives frugally and I support her financially with $150-$200 month - no strings attached.

Here is where I need help - She is in a lot of pain and won't seek treatment.  Since I have been supporting her financially I am afraid this allows her to keep the status quo.  If I stop supporting her financially she threatens she will earn money in very self destructive ways. 

I don't know what to do... .she won't come back home, she's won't seek treatment and she is in so much pain every moment of the day. 

Does anyone have advice on how you support your adult children who are in distress?

Thanks for allowing me to share and to find a place to get help.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[incadove]

Hi claireybeary

I'm sorry your dd is in so much pain, it is really something that she is able to hold down a part-time job and budget her money while dealing with her emotions.  Since this is only hurting herself and no one else, I would not deal with it in a punitive way - I think the moderate amount of support you give her sounds reasonable to me to do for any child who is making an effort in their life.

Will she talk to you at all about the pain she has?  Is there anything she enjoys doing, that you can do together to build the relationship?

Sometimes my dd will be more receptive to talking after we invest some enjoyable time together, or go out in nature or somewhere peaceful.  It varies.  Does she have anyone she opens up to?

If she reads, maybe some books will be helpful.  Does she read up on methods to deal with her emotions herself?  My dd says she learns a lot online and tries to apply it herself.   You can even get the DBT workbook that has a lot of the skills listed.  I would definitely learn all you can and try to model the skills yourself in interactions with her, even if you don't talk about them explicitly.   The links on this site on the right will take you to a lot of them.