Forcing treatment

[Kgali]

I have an adult child with BPD/Addiction/PTSD issues. She’s been in and out of rehab and treatment centers because she won’t stay for more than 4 weeks. We can legally force her through a Marchman Act to stay in treatment for 3 months but we are torn with the decision because we are not sure it will work if she doesn’t want the treatment. She will probably end up hating us and just go through the motions. Can anyone that has been in a similar situation let me know how effective on your loved one the court ordered treatment was? I appreciate all the help we can get.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Brave Momma]

Hi there,

We sent our daughter to wilderness and she did well.  From there she had to go on to a residential treatment center as she was nowhere near ready to come home.  I can tell you that she did learn a lot, but had she gone willingly things would have been different.  She was 16 years old when this happened. 

She still has not been formally diagnosed with BPD, but has been diagnosed with traits, now that she is 18, she can be diagnosed but will not go for another round of eval.  She has moved out on her own a few weeks before turning 18 stating she didn't want to follow our rules and wanted control of her own life.  We did not support it and she has no financial support from us. We just worked out a deal where she pays us monthly for her car because she was about to get a car for a crazy interest rate and get herself in trouble financially.  We have a contract and she has to enroll and finish high school in order to keep the car.

Our family therapist says not to tell her she must go to therapy to keep the car which I thought might be a good idea but if it is forced, will do no good.
Unfortunately unless they are willing to receive the help, it is a waste of time and money.  Unless she is in danger in some way, that would be a different story.

I hope this helps... .it is very hard and I think takes time for them to realize what THEY need to do.  I just worry about her having the right skills to get there as she is all over the place emotionally and doesn't make good choices. 

[Kgali]

Hi there,

We sent our daughter to wilderness and she did well.  From there she had to go on to a residential treatment center as she was nowhere near ready to come home.  I can tell you that she did learn a lot, but had she gone willingly things would have been different.  She was 16 years old when this happened. 

She still has not been formally diagnosed with BPD, but has been diagnosed with traits, now that she is 18, she can be diagnosed but will not go for another round of eval.  She has moved out on her own a few weeks before turning 18 stating she didn't want to follow our rules and wanted control of her own life.  We did not support it and she has no financial support from us. We just worked out a deal where she pays us monthly for her car because she was about to get a car for a crazy interest rate and get herself in trouble financially.  We have a contract and she has to enroll and finish high school in order to keep the car.

Our family therapist says not to tell her she must go to therapy to keep the car which I thought might be a good idea but if it is forced, will do no good.
Unfortunately unless they are willing to receive the help, it is a waste of time and money.  Unless she is in danger in some way, that would be a different story.

I hope this helps... .it is very hard and I think takes time for them to realize what THEY need to do.  I just worry about her having the right skills to get there as she is all over the place emotionally and doesn't make good choices. 

Thanks for your reply. We also think that forcing her to go to treatment might do more harm than good. We are very concerned that she might end up not getting better and hating us at the same time. We are going to keep trying the "voluntary" way and hope for the best. We have thought of doing a contract with her were if she doesn't comply with a structured treatment plan, we would go to court to order her to treatment. That would be a last resort. Most of our therapists and our attorney say we should go to court or risk something really bad happening to her, but it just doesn't feel right. It's probably the most difficult decision we've been faced with.

[wendydarling]

Hi Kgali

Welcome to bpdfamily   I'm glad you found us, though sorry what brings you here, it's such a difficult decision you are facing, you say it just doesn't feel right, I understand that, I'd go with my gut feeling.

Thanks for your reply. We also think that forcing her to go to treatment might do more harm than good. We are very concerned that she might end up not getting better and hating us at the same time. We are going to keep trying the "voluntary" way and hope for the best. We have thought of doing a contract with her were if she doesn't comply with a structured treatment plan, we would go to court to order her to treatment. That would be a last resort. Most of our therapists and our attorney say we should go to court or risk something really bad happening to her, but it just doesn't feel right. It's probably the most difficult decision we've been faced with.

One thing I don't quite understand.  We are told forced treatment doesn't work, we see it, how come 'most of the therapists' are recommending it in your child's case. How many are recommending and how many are not recommending? I'd be conflicted in your position with that information too. Does your child live with you?

WDx