My daughters recovery - Landmark moment

[wendydarling]

I’ve been wanting to ask my 29 daughter (who lives at home) how she feels, how’s it going, she completed DBT skills group in July and therapy end August. 14 months attendance twice a week without fail apart for the occasional. (UK NHS max period for DBT provided). She dragged herself out of bed at the beginning when her depression was at worst, disassociating etc. to attend.

She was anxious about leaving, would she cope on her own without professional support. I considered offering her private DBT practice and finally decided to hang it out, see if she can cope.  Was she able to continue to use the skills she has learnt and be content and confident, without ongoing out-patient support?

So last night I asked her on a scale of Zero to 10 how’s it going without support, how are you feeling? It was one of those first cold Sunday evenings, our first open fire of the season, we’d been chatting about other stuff and relaxing.

6.5 out of 10! Wow. I asked what may make it higher for her? She answered being able to volunteer (she has pledged for a mental health charity), able to handle difficult situations and to find her focus on a new career path. (She gave up work to focus on her recovery last Xmas). That’s well worth 3.5 and more in my world   Great!

What bowled me over was when she followed up.

I have skills to live my life, I belong here and am here for a purpose, yes there will be challenges ahead to work through, that’s life. I see the way forwards I can work with.  I feel gratitude. (And a lot more, about 1hour more)

2015 my DD howled in pain, I held her close and promised her I’m here for her, we’ll get through this together.  That was our moment.

She’s worked tirelessly learning and practising DBT skills every minute of the days, in her bedroom.

To hear her laugh and see her beautiful smile again fills my heart with pure joy.

My deepest thanks to each and everyone of you here at bpdfamily, for your kindness, for educating me, walking with me and gifting me courage, holding me close when I needed it most, phew. For sharing my hope.

And for making me laugh, when I really needed to let it all go.

Hope, change and trust has helped us make this happen.

Onwards we go, we are here for you.

WDx  

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Gorges]

Nice to read good news and that there is hope.

[wendydarling]

Thanks Gorges. What's also really helped is the BPD online community she's joined, peers supporting each other.  

[light2you]

I love your share! It really spoke to me. I am looking for connection to those really working on themselves and empathy for their child. This was all that and more.

[Kwamina]

Hi wendydarling

Thanks for sharing this, great to hear your daughter is doing and feeling better!

She dragged herself out of bed at the beginning when her depression was at worst, disassociating etc. to attend.
... .
She’s worked tirelessly learning and practising DBT skills every minute of the days, in her bedroom.

I really like this, how she battled through the most difficult times and how she works so hard in the silence of her room. That shows a lot of character and resilience I wonder who she got that from?

I held her close and promised her I’m here for her, we’ll get through this together.  That was our moment.

This was lovely to read, moments like this can be defining and the things you remember many years from now.

The Board Parrot

[mggt]

Wendy,  Great Great news     

[Lollypop]

Hi WD

IVE NO WORDS... .you both are pushing through❤️

Patience, consistency, working, listening. Wow.

LP x

[wendydarling]

Aw thanks light2you, mggt, Kwamina, LP.

That is exactly how it’s felt LP pushing through.
 
I can only look back and now begin to recognise what recovery looks like so far, it’s not what I expected and kept searching for. One step forward, one step back, two forwards, one back, ok I got that early on – BUT often happening at the same time sure was confusing. BPD/depression/anxiety/ED. Success with a symptom, then a new one arrived with a vengeance and claimed that space, all so unpredictable. I found myself sometimes quietly celebrating progress, only to be shortly blindsided. That was then.

A game changer seems to have been DD giving up work last December to focus on recovery. Working was challenging her efforts.  Makes sense if you are mentally, emotionally and physically burnt out you need a significant time out. The most important thing is she’s made all the choices and decisions, she owns her recovery managing her BPD.

Kwamina so true, it is the defining moments that will be with us forever.  As for silence in bedroom, solitary behaviour is often considered unhealthy isn’t it. I did worry for the worst, I had to trust. I learnt she needed a sanctuary to fight BPD, her personal battle.

There will be therapy ahead.

light2you nice my post spoke to you. Welcome to the community I look forward to reading your introduction and getting to know you.  

WDx

[incadove]

Hi wendydarling thanks so much for posting the success story!  That is really heartwarming and hopeful!

Thanks Gorges. What's also really helped is the BPD online community she's joined, peers supporting each other. 

I'm curious which community that is, I've found one called 'forum 41' but knowing of a really good peer community would be valuable I think.  Is it ok to share the name of it?

[wendydarling]

Thanks incadove, the online community is twitter, my DD has also visited the resources we share with pwBPD here at bpdfamily Resources for BPD Sufferers

DD researching BPD, reaching out to help others and her humour has been instrumental to her personal growth, the context of living with and managing BPD, she's not alone. We've both been on our own personal journeys these last 3 years, from time to time she seeks me out to talk for hours, we connect and share our learning and feelings. Her knowing I'm up to my speed and have my bpdfamily community and I knowing she is also up to her speed and has her community of peers online and real life friends, is the most perfect balance for us. It feels so good  .

WDx

[incadove]

Hi wendydarling

This is really encouraging

We've both been on our own personal journeys these last 3 years, from time to time she seeks me out to talk for hours, we connect and share our learning and feelings. Her knowing I'm up to my speed and have my bpdfamily community and I knowing she is also up to her speed and has her community of peers online and real life friends, is the most perfect balance for us. It feels so good  .

as right now I have very positive but generally brief interactions with my dd's, I do miss the deeper connection we used to have although not the drama.  I was overly enmeshed before, and I don't know really how to get back to a stronger and deeper connection in the 'right' way, so I am a bit of a pollyanna instead.  That's good as far as it goes, but I'm feeling like we could go beyond that, and it might be useful to.  Hard to know, as I know young adults also need their space!  They do speak more in depth with my husband but also have a little bit more volatile relationship with him, so I feel like I need first of all to keep mine consistent and stable.  So perhaps just learning and sharing can become a stronger connection in time.

Thanks for sharing your successes!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hi incadove

Your constant and stable is my way too, now. Stepping out of the drama, what were/are the dramas, behaviours? Can help us understand how we move forwards and form the deep connections you say.

Over the holiday, I'll reflect and share my deeper and stronger 2018 

WDx

[Daisy123]

Hello Wendydarling,
It was incredible reading your post. I am so happy for both you and your daughter. The pain that our children live with because of this mental illness is overwhelming. Your daughter deserves to have relief from all of that darkness.

I am new to this board as my DD19 was diagnosed a few weeks ago with BPD. It has been a long several years as she was first diagnosed after 2 suicide attempts at 14 with Major Depression. Then at 16, her psychiatrist thought she had bipolar disorder. My DD has had difficulty with school-barely finished high school and has abused marijuana on a daily basis. She just recently doom spiraled into a deep suicide ideation period where we needed to remain close by. She said she was frightened by her ideation but did not have a plan. It lasted for 2 days and she is feeling better.She had her 2nd neuro-psych extensive testing over the last month and it has been quite a journey. She has a therapist that she is working with and has DD recently said she'd be open to DBT. I just don't know how to go about treatment or even know what to ask her therapist.

I just wanted to say thank you for sharing. You have given me hope.

[wendydarling]

Hi Daisy123

Thank you so much, your post means a lot to me, we have worked hard and we can support you moving forwards. There is hope, we pushed through gently.

My DD was not diagnosed till she hit crisis at 27, May 2015. Many teens are misdiagnosed, I see that here and that is painful for everyone, chasing a solution.

What helped my DD was a weekly DBT skills group and a weekly DBT therapist. Can you ask your therapist if this is available?  

My DD finally found her way, to reach out and dig deep to understand her disorder, I wish that for your DD, it is the way and you can help like I have. I handed the responsibility to my DD, while offering emotional support.

We are here, can you let us how you get on?

WDx